Free Uncle John’s Briefs by Bathroom Readers’ Institute

after punching a juror outside the court. Octavia Williams came face-to-face with juror Geraldine Goldring just after Goldring and the other jurors found her guilty of stealing $160 from a woman in Times Square. Williams ran off after the assault but was caught and returned to the courtroom, where she was charged with assault and contempt of court for ignoring the judge’s instructions to report to probation immediately after the verdict.”
    —New York Daily News
    NOTE TO SELF…
    “Police in Hillsborough, North Carolina, responded to a call from a bank about a man who was acting suspiciously. Capt. Dexter Davis confronted the man and asked if he had a weapon. ‘He pulled his book bag off his shoulders, opened the bag up and held it open to me to show he didn’t have a gun,’ Davis said. When Davis looked inside, there was a note in clear view. It read, ‘I want $10,000 in $100 bills. Don’t push no buttons, or I’ll shot [sic] you.’ Davis laughed out loud, and then arrested Christopher Fields (who also was carrying a 10-inch knife) and turned him over to the FBI.”
    —Durham Herald-Sun
    CRASH TEST DUMMY
    “In Springfield, Illinois, Zachary Holloway, 20, and a pal were arrested and charged with breaking into one car and stealing, among other things, a motorcycle helmet, then attempting to break into another car. To try to get into the second car, Holloway put on the helmet, stood back from the car and charged into it, head-butting a window, unsuccessfully, twice.”
    —The Oregonian
The light above Big Ben’s clock face is only lit when Parliament is in session.

HOW TO AVOID
GETTING HIRED
    Your resumé is a carefully crafted sales pitch about how indispensable you’ll be to prospective employers. That’s what it’s supposed to be, anyway. This list of real-life resume bloopers appeared in Fortune magazine .
    “I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.”
    “I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0, computor and spreadsheat progroms.”
    “Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.”
    “Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.”
    “Wholly responsible for two failed financial institutions.”
    “Let’s meet, so you can ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ over my experience.”
    “You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.”
    “Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments.”
    “Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Could not work under those conditions.”
    “Note: Please don’t misconstrue my 14 jobs as ‘job-hopping.’ I have never quit a job.”
    “I am loyal to my employer at all costs….Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail.”
    “I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant.”
    “As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments.”
    “Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far.”
    “Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.”
    “The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers.”
    “Finished eighth in my class of ten.”
    “It’s best for employers that I not work with people.”
From 1889 to 1930, over 3,700 people were lynched in the U.S. About 80% were black.

JUST PLANE WEIRD
    These days, no one makes jokes on a plane, least of all the pilot. Here’s the harrowing tale of a practical joke that almost went horribly wrong .
    C RASH COURSE In 1947 an American Airlines pilot named Charles Sisto was in command of a propeller-driven DC-4 aircraft carrying 49 passengers from Dallas to Los Angeles. Along with Sisto were his copilot, Melvin Logan, and John Beck, a DC-3 pilot who was learning how to operate the more sophisticated DC-4. While cruising along at 8,000 feet, Captain Sisto invited Beck to take the controls. As Beck was settling into the captain’s chair, Sisto thought he’d have a little fun at the rookie’s expense—he fastened the gust lock, a device