Free Rainbow's End by James M. Cain

agreed?”
    â€œWell, why wouldn’t he agree? By then we knew I couldn’t have any children. The doctors had already told me.”
    I already knew she had some kind of condition that made it impossible for her to have children, so I didn’t go further with it. More soaking in took place, with her sitting there in her chair, kicking her foot, and now and then looking at me. She had a hunted, guilty expression, not the one she had had when she kept staring at nothing. After some minutes, though, it began to gnaw at me that the whole story hadn’t been told. Now I had more flashes, of how my father had acted toward me, the cold way he had. I never felt toward him the way I’d felt toward Mom or toward Aunt Myra. Pretty soon I asked: “What made him so willing? So willing for you to take me?”
    â€œI already said: he loved me.”
    â€œWas that all?”
    â€œIt was all so long ago. I don’t remember.”
    â€œWas any money paid?”
    â€œWell, I would imagine so, yes.”
    â€œHow much?”
    â€œI don’t know. It was paid to him.”
    After a long time I asked, “Was it that that he used to buy the other place with and build that crazy house?”
    â€œI don’t know. He didn’t say.”
    â€œDid he or didn’t he?”
    â€œHe didn’t tell me everything!”
    â€œWas board paid for me?”
    â€œI don’t know.”
    â€œThey wouldn’t have paid that to him. They’d have paid it to you.”
    â€œWho is ‘they’?”
    â€œAunt Myra and my father.”
    â€œSometimes something was paid.”
    â€œLike the first of every month?”
    â€œI don’t know; it’s been so long.”
    â€œHow long?”
    â€œWhat do you mean, how long?”
    â€œSince board for me was paid.”
    â€œI said, I don’t remember.”
    â€œIs board still being paid for me?”
    â€œYou quit banging at me.”
    â€œIn other words, it is?”
    She didn’t answer, which meant it was, and at last I eased up on her. I had to. By now I’d found out so much that my head was spinning around. I was like a cow that had cropped all the grass it could hold and had to lie down a while so it could chew its cud. I had no idea yet how I felt about it, whether I liked it or not, changing Mom for Aunt Myra or my father for some other guy I knew nothing at all about, except that he must have been decent and really in love with Aunt Myra to put out for me all those years. Also, of course, he must have been able to, which meant he was not just a nobody. All that, though, was stuff that just rattled around. One thing, though, remained to be cleared up. Why, after keeping her pledge all those years, did she up and tell me now? When I asked her, she sidestepped the question. “It had to come out,” she whined. “It had to be told sometime.”
    â€œWhy did you tell me tonight?”
    â€œI don’t know, it just came out.”
    â€œTo make it all right for you to take off your panties for me?”
    â€œHow can you say such a thing?”
    â€œBecause it’s true.”
    â€œIt’s not true! You should be ashamed. You should get down on your knees and beg forgiveness of me.”
    â€œI don’t. It’s true.”
    â€œIt’s not!”
    â€œIt is, but get this: It’s not going to happen between us. You know why? I don’t want it to, that’s why. I don’t love you that way.”
    â€œIt’s not what I meant, no!”
    â€œIt is what you meant. Quit lying.”
    She started to cry, and I went over to wipe her eyes. Letting her blow her nose made me gulp; I wanted to kiss her, and did. That was my mistake. She grabbed my hand and kissed it and then pulled me down in her lap, kissing me and slobbering on me. Pretty soon I wrestled clear and said: “So—now we’ve gone over it, haven’t we? Really talked things