Free The (New and Improved) Loving Dominant by John Warren, Libby Warren Page B

become much more intense. However, the computer has permitted each of us to exercise control in an area that was appropriate.
    The most successful of these attempts yielded a short email on February 19, 1992. The full text of the message was “I think we share some interests in common.” The message was from Libby, the woman who has become my world…and my wife.
    What are you looking for?
    In my opinion, one of the major, self-imposed impediments both dominants and submissives bring to the search for a partner is a long list of requirements. Now this doesn’t mean that we need to drop back to the level of a teen- aged boy, whose only requirements in a sex partner is she needs to be alive and breathing. Compatibility is important even in a casual scene. (And if you don’t believe me, try watching the outcome of a scene between a pain-play bottom and a pony/control-play top.) In a long-term relationship, it’s vital, but just what does it take to make “compatibility?”
    Each time you add another “must have” requirement to your list, you are shaving the list of candidates by a greater or lesser degree. Ask yourself, “Is hair color really that important?” Most people, upon reflection, will agree it isn’t. How about weight? Age? Sex? Species? OK, maybe I’m going a little far here, but at least, you’re thinking, and that’s the important thing. Look at your list and strike out anything that’s “nice to have” but isn’t a “must.”
    Writing an advertisement
    There are many sites that specifically exist so people can post advertisements in addition to chatting or leaving messages, but advertisements can be tricky. You don’t want to write a book. That gives a sense of desperation that does not reflect the calm and controlled demeanor that attracts a submissive.
    On the other hand, advertisements like “Are you submissive? Write me” are unlikely to attract a high quality group of submissives, but they are likely to be the natural feeding ground for the unsavory groups I’ve mentioned. Keep in mind this is the first step of a seduction. Outright commands (“Drop to your knees and write”) can attract a certain group of fantasy players, but to attract people who seek a long-term submission and concomitant relationship, a more informative advertisement is needed.
    The best approach is to think seriously about what kind of a submissive you want and what he or she would want to read. Be as realistic as possible. Fantasy at this stage is counterproductive.
    You should also try to project a confident, assured air. The world can be very disappointing for anyone seeking to make a kinky match. After all, we have all compatibility needs, and we also need someone whose kinky needs and desires complement our own. However, showing frustration isn’t the best way to find a submissive. Relax for a moment and try to put yourself in the mindset of someone looking for a dominant partner. How would you react to lines like, “I know most of you people are phonies,” or, “I’m getting so tired of liars and bullshitters?” They may be honest indications of how you are feeling, but that isn’t the goal of the advertisement.
    Your advertisement should include information about yourself, but lying is a serious mistake. Some lies will be discovered almost immediately. One wannabe dominant, who described himself as “tall and imposing,” was quite successful at meeting submissives, but the meetings rarely went beyond that. He couldn’t understand why. A glance in the mirror might have helped: he was five-feet six and weighed less than 120 pounds. You can imagine the suspicions submissives might have felt about any other information he had given them.
    Other lies may take a while to come out. Marital status, amount of experience, group membership and such are difficult to lie about consistently. Every person is different, but the intensity of trust necessary for a BDSM relationship rarely survives such