Free Floods 7 by Colin Thompson Page B

shut,’ the HearseWhisperer added. ‘And I am wearing a blindfold made of lead lined with black velvet.’
    â€˜Excellent,’ said Dr Reversion, ‘an answer worthy of the legendary Hearse Whisperer. Now I can tell you that the huge black poster on my wall that represented you was ten times darker than that.’
    â€˜Ten times darker?’ the Hearse Whisperer said. ‘Is that possible?’
    â€˜Oh yes,’ said Dr Reversion. ‘Do not forget you are the Hearse Whisperer. You are a legend and as such you deserve the blackest black in creation, a black that is not merely the absence of all colour, but the absence of black itself.’
    â€˜You’re not just saying that to make me feel better?’ said the Hearse Whisperer.
    â€˜Well, of course I am,’ said Dr Reversion, but before her patient could look upset, she added, ‘and you should feel better, because it is true.’
    â€˜Already, I feel a great weight beginning to lift from my shoulders,’ said the Hearse Whisperer.
    She felt her spirits rise. The last time she hadfelt her spirits rise, she had let them rise just above her shoulders and then she had torn their heads off and eaten them raw with a green salad. Her spirits had kept their heads down since then, but now they were rising again. This time, however, the doctor told her to let them fly free.
    â€˜See them hovering below the ceiling?’ said the doctor. ‘If you don’t mind me saying so, some of them are rather overweight. So it’s not surprising you feel the weight lifting. We will deal with them in a moment – but first, tell me why you are here. I mean, what on earth could make you, one of the most powerful and evil witches in the world, so depressed?’
    â€˜The Floods.’
    â€˜Ahh, I see,’ said the doctor. ‘You feel the Floods are your nemesis?’
    â€˜Oh no, that was my grandmother.’
    â€˜Your grandmother was your nemesis?’
    â€˜No, no, she was my only comforter,’ said the Hearse Whisperer. ‘Nemesis was her name.’
    â€˜So what do the Floods represent?’
    â€˜Failure,’ said the Hearse Whisperer, dropping her head as her spirits began to fall again.
    Dr Reversion handed her an umbrella.
    â€˜Here,’ she said, ‘take this. It will keep your spirits off.’
    The Hearse Whisperer said nothing. Her spirits were rising and falling like yoyos. One minute they were soaring and hitting their heads on the ceiling. The next they were bouncing off her umbrella and grovelling on the floor. Dr Reversion suggested that they go outside. The next time the Hearse Whisperer’s spirits soared, they vanished up into the clouds. The Hearse Whisperer and Dr Reversion ran back inside and locked the door.
    â€˜And now,’ the doctor said, ‘when we have stabilised you and you are totally dispirited, or, as I prefer to say, Spirit Cleansed, we can take you into the Transferation Laboratory and give you a spirit transplant.’
    â€˜What?’
    â€˜We can give you a spirit transplant,’ said the doctor. ‘We have a huge store of brand new andsecond-hand spirits, from Happy Fluffy Bunny to Leap Into Prams And Eat The Baby. I don’t see you as a Happy Fluffy Bunny and we’ve had problems with the Baby Eater. No matter how many times we de-bug them we can never completely remove the trace of guilt or the indigestion.’
    â€˜Well, right now, I’d like the Curled Up Asleep In Bed,’ said the Hearse Whisperer, ‘with added Never Wake Up Again.’
    â€˜Oh dear, oh dear,’ said Dr Reversion. ‘I didn’t realise you were in such a bad way. I think we will have to give you acupuncture.’
    â€˜Whatever,’ said the Hearse Whisperer.
    â€˜Sit,’ the doctor commanded and, as she left the room, she added, ‘Stay.’

    Choose from the following reasons why she left the room. You may choose more