Free Meant To Be by Fiona McCallum Page B

lunch, and shopped some more, scouring the two main shopping strips for everything on their lists. A number of times they laughed about how exhausting shopping was – usually just as they pushed the door open into another store.
    Despite wandering the shops all day, Emily only purchased some necessities and two books for Jake. She saw plenty of things she liked, especially in the large furniture store, but with big, expensive items like chairs, desks and curtains, she wanted totake her time and make a careful, informed decision. She did, however, manage to surreptitiously take lots of photos with her mobile phone while Barbara distracted the sales staff.
    They visited a shop chock full of baby gear, and Emily oohed and aahed over the tiny items of clothing Barbara held up, imagining the little person who might one day wear them. But as they roamed the racks, cooing over booties and singlets and onesies, Emily was a little disappointed to find no stirrings of a maternal nature in herself. It was a pity. How good would it be for two best friends to have their kids grow up together? Even better if they had a boy and a girl between them. She shook the thoughts aside as she realised Barbara was leaving the store, and hurried to catch up.
    â€˜You didn’t buy anything?’ she said. ‘I thought you were going to get that cute little jumpsuit.’
    â€˜I was, but I got scared. I don’t want to jinx things.’
    â€˜It’s okay to be scared,’ Emily replied, and linked her arm through Barbara’s to reassure her. ‘But you can’t have the poor little thing arriving into the world with no clothes to wear,’ she added, smiling warmly.
    â€˜I’ve got plenty of time,’ she said, clearly trying to sound more exuberant than she felt.
    â€˜I guess that means we’ll have to come back for another shopping trip!’
    They reluctantly declared the day’s shopping over at five o’clock, leaving just enough time to have a fortifying hot chocolate before embarking on the long trip home.
    Weary and all talked out, they both sat silently staring into their mugs for a few moments.
    Emily found herself again thinking about her life with John.
    She remembered how he’d encouraged her to give up her job when they got married. At the time she’d seen it as his way of showing he loved her and his desire to take care of her; fulfillinghis duty as husband. Now she could see how naïve she’d been. It wasn’t anything to do with love. It was all about control.
    God, she wished she could stop thoughts of John popping up, and of her mother for that matter. Enid was Enid. She wouldn’t ever change. As Jake said, she’d have to learn to live with her and stop bitching about it. Well, he hadn’t been quite so forceful… She laid her teaspoon on the saucer and picked up her mug and sipped, concentrating on the hot earthiness and soaking up its comfort.
    â€˜How much fun is this?’ Barbara said. Emily was jolted from her reverie.
    â€˜Yep, brilliant,’ Emily replied.
    â€˜So what’s up?’ Barbara asked, putting her cup down and looking at Emily.
    â€˜Nothing. Why do you ask?’
    â€˜Well, you’ve been all smiles all day and suddenly you look like…’
    â€˜Just tired, I guess,’ Emily said, and took another sip of hot chocolate.
    Barbara continued to stare pointedly at her friend with raised, questioning eyebrows, but said nothing.
    â€˜All right, you win,’ Emily said with a tight laugh. She fiddled with her teaspoon. ‘I was just thinking how long it’s been since I was able to shop without worrying about every cent. And then about John’s reaction when I got home.’
    â€˜Which should have you feeling ecstatic, not glum!’ Barbara declared with bewilderment.
    â€˜I made such a mistake marrying him, and giving up my job,’ Emily continued wistfully.
    â€˜Yes, we all know that.