took your mom back to the clubhouse and she was given two options. She could either stick around the club and be watched to make sure she didn’t talk about what she saw or Michael would help set her up somewhere far away. She was breaking up with the dead guy because she found out he was a biker, she wasn’t going to stick around. She opted to go far away, but on one condition. I was to go with her until she felt safe and that’s how we met.”
“What made you so special then?”
“I still don’t know that answer Ky, but whatever she found in me, I found someone who wanted to know everything about me but was patient to the point of saintliness to wait till I was ready to answer. The way she would look at me like she already knew me but wasn’t judging hooked me right in.”
If I close my eyes I can remember the look with perfect clarity. I was driving north as instructed by Michael. The heat was the hottest in history, the truck was old so there wasn’t any air con and the windows were wound all the way down. The breeze blowing around whipped her hair around her face and when she looked at me the smile she wore made me breathless. The feeling of being lost over a women was foreign to me. Instead of once fearing it like I did, I embraced it. There was something inside her that scared me and set me free at the same time.
“Your mom is strong, stronger than most men I know. For her to bring you to me knowing full well the life we gave you would shatter to nothing, it took everything in her to do it, because she couldn’t stand to watch you kill yourself.”
Kyla turns away and stares out of the window.
“We have kept a lot from you but that doesn’t mean we haven’t loved you, nor does it mean you can use this as an excuse to get high. You being here means quite the opposite actually, now everyone knows who you are the chances of you getting your hands on heroin are non-existent. Now you know us, every brother of mine will keep their eyes on you.”
When she turns back to me her eyes are watery and full of sadness.
“I don’t want to be that weak girl anymore,” she whispers, “I’m disgusted with myself like you wouldn’t believe.”
“Who do you want to be?” I ask.
“I don’t know yet, I want to stay here with you though.”
She looks almost as shocked at her words as I am.
A full blown smile spreads across my face. I never let myself imagine the possibility of her living with me permanently, up till now it was always a dead dream. I knew it would never become reality. Now it is and I don’t know what to say.
I suppose it’s a start, I’ve spilled enough blood and guts to her today and she seems unaffected. Definitely progress.
“One last thing,” she asks, I nod and she asks, “Why do they all call you Pope?”
I’m surprised she hasn’t asked this before now.
“The first time I killed someone, I didn’t break down at what I had done. It had to be that way and I got it over with, but it’s not to say I don’t think everyone should be sent to the other side without a few words of comfort. Taking an enemies life makes the world safer for you, but they’re still someone’s loved one. They call me Pope because when I take a life, I say a prayer as they take their last breath.”
Firing up the engine, the conversation mutually ends.
From now on, I’ll loosen my reign on her. If she’s serious about staying here then we have all the time to get to know each other. Next step, to tell Sally. Fuck knows how that’s going to go down.
Kyla
Everything is different. We were gone for a two hour drive and everything has changed. Hearing my father talk to me about killing people and listening to how comfortable he sounded telling me was enlightening, instead of being freaked out. The more I heard the more it explained my father.
I wouldn’t have thought he was a murderer necessarily, when he came to visit there was usually something off with him. He was always happy to