Free My Lost Daughter by Nancy Taylor Rosenberg

year when the stock market crashed. Judges made good money, but she didn’t have much left after she paid for Shana’s expenses. And the girl never seemed to have enough money and was constantly asking for more. Lily gave in because she didn’t want to get into an argument. “Can’t you stick it out, honey? You’re so close.”
    â€œYou still don’t understand!” Shana yelled. “Even if I manage to graduate, I still have to pass the bar. Do you know how many people fail? Can you imagine going to school for all these years and then not being able to pass a stupid test? I met a guy who’d failed the bar five times. He’s working as a bartender now. I’ll kill myself if that happens. You know I choke at tests. I always have.”
    Lily loved her daughter with all her heart, but she had turned into what people today referred to as an “energy vampire.” Five minutes into a conversation and Lily was completely drained, and that was when nothing was wrong. Right now she was so exhausted, she felt like cancelling the afternoon session and going home. “Shana, darling,” she said, propping her head up with her hand, “Ventura has a number of excellent review programs geared specifically to passing the exam. So you spend some extra time preparing. What’s the big deal? I was in one of those programs and it helped me tremendously.”
    â€œDon’t placate me, Mother. You passed the bar the first time and scored in the top ten percent of the nation. Shit, don’t you know what an accomplishment that was? I can’t even begin to compete with you. I inherited your looks, not your intellect. Dad would have never let this happen to me. You just can’t admit that you have a daughter that isn’t as smart as you.”
    Both Lily’s lines were lit and blinking. She looked at the clock and saw it was past time for her to return to the courtroom. If Hennessey found out she’d held a fully staffed courtroom waiting, he would carve her a new asshole. She punched the button for the intercom and told Jeannie to advise the clerk that she was running late due to an emergency. When she returned to the line, Shana was still speaking.
    â€œ. . . You never told me the California bar exam is one of the hardest in the nation. They have an exclusionary bar. That means that rather than merely trying to screen out people who’re incompetent, the exam is used to regulate the number of lawyers in the state. Other states have shorter and easier bar exams because they don’t have the large number of attorneys California has.” Shana stopped speaking and sucked in oxygen. “Why didn’t you send me to school in Oklahoma or something? Then I would at least have a chance. But no, you wanted me to fail. Dad said you liked it when people screwed up because it made you feel even more superior.”
    Lily felt like crawling out of the office on bloody knees. According to her daughter and her deceased husband, she was responsible for everything that went wrong in the family. John had even blamed her for the rapes. But John was dead, and Lily had done everything in her power to establish a good relationship with Shana. Every time she thought the past was behind her, it came back to smack her in the face. “I’m coming up there. We’ll sort things out and get you back on track. I can’t come until tomorrow night because I’m in trial.”
    â€œYou’re always in trial. Don’t worry about me, Mom. I’ll be fine.”
    Lily heard the phone click and knew Shana had hung up. Chris stuck his head in the door to her private office with a downcast look on his face. They were supposed to have had lunch at Joe’s Bar and Grill a few blocks from the courthouse. When she’d finally got through to Shana, Lily had told him to go without her and she’d meet him as soon as she finished. “I’m