Free Idiopathy by Sam Byers Page A

what I mean. Don’t be pedantic.’
    ‘What they say,’ said Sebastian, quickly heading off any possible sidetracking, ‘is OK, you can be our leader, you can be our chief or whatever, but only until you start
behaving
like our leader. You see?’
    ‘Mmmm,’ said Plum. ‘God, that’s so beautiful.’
    ‘Mmmm,’ said Angelica.
    ‘Because what they’re saying,’ said Sebastian, ‘is that power corrupts, right? It’s like the … the inevitability of fascism.’ He clapped his hands once, quickly, clearly pleased with the phrase. ‘And the second they spot that you’re going over to the dark side …’ He drew a finger across his neck. ‘You’re finished.’
    ‘So who makes that decision?’ said Daniel. ‘I mean, is there a sort of matrix of warning signs or something? What are the key indicators? Buying a Porsche?’
    ‘I think that’s a very materialist way of looking at what is essentially a spiritual matter.’
    ‘Well I think the whole thing’s a very spiritual way of looking at what is essentially a practical matter. Don’t you want your leaders to behave like leaders? Don’t you want them to take responsibility?’
    ‘Mmhmm,’ nodded Sebastian. ‘But there’s the issue of the common good.’
    ‘Who decides that?’
    ‘Daniel’s a bit grumpy today,’ said Angelica, rubbing his back and pouting. ‘He’s had an ickle bit of fwoo.’
    ‘Oh fuck off.’
    ‘You’d be right out of the Native American leadership circle with that sort of behaviour,’ said Plum, winking at Daniel. She had a way of somehow joining in with the general conversational trend while at the same time suggesting a degree of sympathy with the underdog, meaning no one could ever justifiably get angry with her, meaning in turn that Daniel quickly became angry with her but had no idea how to express it without looking like an arsehole.
    ‘Illness is such a blessing,’ said Sebastian, helping himself to some more of the lentil thing. ‘It’s so cleansing.’
    ‘I’m full of snot. I don’t feel cleansed.’
    ‘Gwumpy wumpy,’ said Angelica, reaching down to pick up the cat, groaning a little as she heaved its formless mass onto her lap. ‘He’s gwumpy, isn’t he? Yes he is. Yes he
is
.’
    ‘I remember when I had dysentery in Sri Lanka,’ said Plum. ‘God, it was like being a new person at the end of it.’
    Sebastian put his arm round her and kissed her temple. ‘You were so beautiful going through that,’ he said.
    ‘Gwumpy man. Gwumpy wumpy daddy man. Yes he is. Yes he is.’
    ‘Do you have to talk to the cat about me in that way? I mean really? Is it really necessary?’
    ‘Animals know our true selves,’ said Sebastian. ‘If you’re comfortable with your true self you have nothing to fear from the cat, regardless of what Angelica says to it.’
    ‘I’m not that concerned about the cat’s opinion, actually, it’s more the …’
    ‘I sometimes feel like he looks right through me,’ said Angelica, looking at Daniel but ostensibly referring to the cat. ‘Like he can just walk into the room and
know
, you know? Like the other day when I was feeling really negative, you remember, honey, over that whole thing with the phone and the … anyway, that’s irrelevant, I don’t want to go back to that space again, but he just walked into the room, and looked at me, and I just felt he understood, and he came and sat with me, and it was so calming, and I thought, all of this is happening without language, without words.’
    ‘It’s true,’ said Daniel. ‘He knows the pain of being mischarged on your quarterly BT bill.’
    ‘It’s not that literal,’ said Sebastian.
    ‘I know. I was sort of joking.’
    Sebastian nodded as if this confirmed something very important to him. It was one of the things that Daniel had never quite understood about Sebastian and Plum and their ilk. For people who believed in freedom and expression and peace and love, who railed daily against the tyranny of the