Free Hemlock Bay by Catherine Coulter

road.”
    “I agree with you. What are you thinking, Lily?”
    “I’m thinking that when it’s dark, it will be just like a shroud is thrown over all those thick redwoods. Just like Beth was in a shroud and I’m so depressed that I want to end it, Dillon, just end it and get it over with. It’s relentless, this greedy pain. I’m thinking it’s settled into my soul and it won’t leave me, ever. I just can’t stand it any longer.”
    “This pain,” Dr. Chu said in her soft voice, holding Lily’s hand now, squeezing occasionally, “tell me more about this pain.”
    “I know the pain wants to be one with me. I want to give over to it. I know that if I become the pain and the pain becomes me, then I’ll be able to expiate my guilt.”
    “You came to the conclusion that you had to kill yourself because it was the only way you could make reparation? To redress the balance?”
    “Yes. A life for a life. My life—worth nothing much—for her small, precious life.”
    Then Lily frowned.
    Dr. Chu lightly ran her palm over Lily’s forearm, then back to clasp her limp hand. “What are you thinking now, Lily?”
    “I just realized that something isn’t right. I didn’t kill Beth. No, I’d been at the newspaper, giving my cartoon to Boots O’Malley, seeing what he thought, you know?”
    “I know. And he laughed, right?”
    “Yes. I heard the sheriff say later that Beth’s body had been thrown at least twenty feet.”
    Lily stopped. She squeezed Dr. Chu’s hand so tightly her knuckles whitened.
    “Just stay calm, Lily. Everything is just fine. I’m here. Your brother and Mrs. Savich are here. Forget what the sheriff said. Now, you suddenly recognized that you didn’t kill Beth.”
    “That’s right,” Lily whispered, her eyelids fluttering. “I realize that something is wrong. I suddenly remember taking those sleeping pills that Tennyson put on the bedside table. I took so many of them, felt them stick in my throat and I swallowed and swallowed to get them down, and I sat with that bottle and chanted, more, more, more, and then the bottle was nearly empty and I thought suddenly, Wait, I don’t want to die, but then it was too late, and I felt so sorry for the loss of Beth and the loss of me.”
    “I don’t understand, Lily,” Savich said in that darkly smooth voice of his. “You told me about the pills you took just after Beth’s funeral. Why are you thinking about that now, while you’re driving?”
    “Because I realize that I can’t really remember actually taking those pills. Now isn’t that odd?”
    “It’s very odd. Tell us more.”
    “Well, I realize I didn’t want to die then, and I don’t want to die now. But why is the guilt eating at me like this? What’s inside my brain that’s making me want to simply drive the Explorer right into the thick trees that line this horrible road?”
    “And did you find an answer, Lily?”
    “Yes, I did.” She stopped, just stopped and sighed deeply. She was asleep. Her head fell lightly to the side.
    “It’s all right, Mr. Savich. Let’s just let her rest awhile, then I’ll wake her and we can carry on. She’ll be back with us when she wakes up. We’ll see if she needs to go under again.
    “You know, Mr. Savich, I’m getting more and more curious about that first time when she took all those sleeping pills. Just maybe we should go into that as well.”
    “Oh, yes,” Sherlock said from behind them.
    However, they didn’t have to wake Lily up. Not more than another minute passed when suddenly Lily opened her eyes, blinked, and said, “I remember everything.” She smiled at Dr. Chu, then said to her brother, “I didn’t try to kill myself, Dillon, I didn’t.”
    Dr. Chu took both of her hands now and leaned very close. “Tell us exactly what happened, Lily.”
    “I came back to myself. I felt clear and alert and appalled at what I’d been considering. Then the road twisted, started one of those steep descents. I realized I was