Free Thai Girl by Andrew Hicks

said, looking shyly around the group.
    â€˜Howlongyoubin in Thailand, Stig?’ said Maca, asking the universal opener.
    â€˜Pattaya one month. Always good, Pattaya.’
    â€˜Pattaya good for the ladies, yah?’
    â€˜Yah, I like,’ said Stig. ‘It’s the best.’
    â€˜But I just adore Koh Samet,’ enthused Clarissa. ‘These are the good old days!’
    â€˜Golly yes, by Jove!’ said Maca mercilessly. ‘And Sam, howlongyoubin here?’
    â€˜Three weeks and I detest it,’ said Samantha. It was quite a conversation stopper.
    â€˜Why?’ asked Maca in surprise. ‘Whatever’s wrong with Thailand?’
    â€˜Well, there’s nothing’d make me want to come back. Land of Smiles, my arse.’
    Ben eyed Samantha across the table. She was in her early twenties with a golden tan, dark, close-cropped hair, large vulnerable eyes and a full body, tightly packaged in a skimpy top. Not bad at all, he thought, though Nadia’s a bit butch.
    â€˜Had some nasty experiences then?’ he asked Samantha.
    â€˜Not really, but the Thais cart us around like animals without telling us what’s going on. They’re inefficient, can’t read a clock and never give a straight answer to a simple question. Smiley when they want to be, but at other times totally offhand.’
    â€˜Well, I like them as they are,’ said Maca. ‘We’re their livelihood but they keep their dignity.’
    â€˜They don’t have to be so rude!’ said Samantha.
    â€˜Maybe we get the response we deserve,’ he said provocatively. ‘And we don’t want’em ending up like these Americans with their plastic McDonalds politeness.’
    Ben could see the fire in Samantha’s eyes as she responded.
    â€˜Well, I’m talking about the basics. They just don’t react normally!’
    â€˜But it depends what’s normal … your normal behaviour isn’t the same as theirs. Maybe it’s a language problem … they’re embarrassed because they can’t understand, so they just giggle. They’ll clam up if there’s any tension or if they sense you don’t like their country. Probing questions make them uncomfortable too … they’ll just tell you what they think you want to hear.’
    â€˜But you’ve got to be able to ask for things!’ said Samantha angrily.
    â€˜Yes, but you gotta keep’em smiling. Harmony’s number one.’
    â€˜Even when I’m paying them!’ Samantha gripped the arms of her chair and glared at Maca.
    â€˜Maybe that’s it … you standing on your rights. You mustn’t demand or complain … and don’t ever expect an apology from a Thai. They may seem humble, but make’em lose face and you’ll just get passive resistance. It can be frustrating but it’s better than confrontation, American-style.’
    â€˜Sure man … shut up about Americans and pass on this spliff,’ said Chuck. A soggy hand-rolled cigarette went on around the table, only Clarissa passing it on unpuffed.
    â€˜Anyway, I like lazing around and being harmonious,’ said Maca. ‘That’s why I’m here … for the Thais and their gentleness.’
    Intense and unsmiling and armed with a fresh bottle of beer, Samantha now tried another justification for not liking Thailand.
    â€˜And what about sex for sale,’ she said. ‘In Bangkok it’s totally open. Nadia and me went to the nightmarket in Patpong Road. The touts outside the bars were disgusting, trying to drag us into them sex shows. Showed us these cards … “pussy eat banana, boy fuck girl”. Stuff like that.’
    â€˜Sam, it’s the same the whole world over,’ said Stig lolling back in his chair, his five o’clock shadow creased into a permanent smile.
    â€˜Yeah, but Bangkok’s swarming with’em. And they’re all on the make