isn’t like you to not show up when we’ve arranged to meet, or to ignore my calls.
I know you said it was nothing I’d done, but I can’t help but feel that it must be: why else wouldn’t you talk to me? You always talk to me. Sometimes even when I don’t want you to… !
I know you’re feeling bad about the office party, but come on. Everyone behaves like an idiot at office parties. Don’t feel too bad. I’m sure you weren’t the worst.
I was thinking, maybe we could do a January health kick thing together. I am huge (134 pounds! Aaargh), and I could really do with a fitness buddy. We can stay off the booze for a bit, eat healthy, go running… It’ll be fun. OK, it’ll be hell, but we’ll find a way to make it fun.
Love you
X Nat
15 January 1996
Email, from Lilah to Natalie
Hi darling. In haste, at work with hangover from hell, trying not to catch my colleagues’ eyes as there was a bit of an indiscretion last night. Again. I know. Bad, bad Lilah. No way in hell am I going teetotal in January. I’d rather die. Talk soon xxx
Lilo
15 January 1996
Email, from Natalie to Lilah
Lilah, come on. You need to sort this, you can’t keep doing this. And I don’t want to know, I don’t want to be told these things. Andrew is my friend, you know very well how much I care about him. Don’t treat him like this. Come round tonight? We’ll have a quiet night in, talk a bit.
X Nat
17 January 1996
Email, from Lilah to Natalie
Hello. Sorry I didn’t get back to you, it’s mad busy here. Don’t go mental! When I say indiscretion, I don’t mean that kind of indiscretion. Just a bit of silly flirting and then I felt like an idiot the next day. Same old, same old. And yes, I know you love Andrew. I love Andrew too, but oh God, Nat. I need to talk to you because things are just going badly and I don’t know what to do, stick or twist. When I think about it clearly, I think it might be over. Can we meet up? You free on Tuesday? I have to go to a cocktail thing in Soho but we could do something after xx Lilo
17 January 1996
Email, from Natalie to Lilah
You don’t mean that, Lilo. It’s not over.
19 January 1996
Email, from Lilah to Natalie
Nat, I need to cancel tonight. Sorry sorry sorry. Had a very late one last night, feeling totally ragged, just have to sleep. And you’re right, I didn’t mean it. I need him so much right now, sometimes I feel like he’s the only thing anchoring me to the earth.
Xx Lilo
Chapter Seven
JEN WASN’T SURE the Bloody Marys were a very good idea. She wasn’t sure that alcohol before lunchtime was ever a great idea, but in a situation this delicately balanced, it was almost certain to cause trouble. Unless, of course, it served to lubricate away the friction. So far, it was difficult to tell. Lilah was being oddly charming to Dan, with whom she’d been so sharp the previous night, and predictably spiky with Nat, obviously trying to bait her by flirting with Andrew. So far, Natalie had maintained a dignified, tight-lipped silence, but Jen couldn’t see that lasting.
They needed a distraction. Jen needed to wrest control of the conversation from Lilah. She sat down at the table, topped up everyone’s coffee, and cleared her throat, as though about to give a speech. They all looked up at her, expectant.
‘I know that you must all think it odd, this sudden urge to get the old gang back together. It
is
odd. And, of course, it isn’t just about this house. It’s hard for me to explain, but I wanted to apologise to you, all of you.’ She was looking at Andrew as she said this. ‘I never meant for things to turn out the way they did, I never meant for my absence to be so permanent.’ Andrew covered her hand with his, but she didn’t look up at the others, she needed to get this said. ‘When I left, I thought it best that I just had some time, a little while, cut off. Not just from you – from London, from England, from everything he