Free MA10 Sweet Myth-tery of Life by Robert Asprin

apparently was about to be remedied. To say I was looking forward to my date would be an understatement ... a VAST understatement.
    However the events of the day weren’t over yet.
    There was a knock at the door, but this time I wasn’t going to get caught making any assumptions.
    “Who is it?” I called.
    “General Badaxe,” came the muffled response. “I was wondering if you could spare me a moment?”
    I was more than a little surprised. The General and I had never been on particularly good terms, and it was rare if ever that he called on me in my personal quarters. Casting about for an explanation, it occurred to me that he was probably more than a little upset at the cutbacks I had made in the army and military budget. In the same thought, it occurred to me that he might be out to murder me in my own room ... or, at least, mess me up a little. As fast as the idea surfaced, however, I discarded it. Whatever else the General was, he was as straightforward and non-scheming as anyone I had ever met. If he meant to do me harm, it would doubtless be on the spur of the moment when we encountered each other in the halls or courtyard of the castle ... not by stealth in my room. In short, I felt I could rule out premeditated mayhem. If he were going to kill me, it would be spontaneous ... a thought that didn’t settle my mind as much as I hoped it would.
    “Come in,” I called ... and he did.
    It was, indeed, the General of Possiltum’s army, and without his namesake massive axe, for a change. Not that its absence made him noticeably less dangerous, mind you, as Badaxe was easily the largest man I had ever met. Upon viewing him, however, I was a bit embarrassed by my original worries. Rather than the stern, angry countenance I was accustomed to, he seemed very ill at ease and uncomfortable.
    “Sorry to interrupt your work, Lord Magician,” he said, nervously looking about the room, “but I find it necessary to speak to you on ... a personal matter.”
    “Certainly, General,” I said, trying to put him at his ease. Strangely, I found that his obvious discomfort was making me uneasy. “Have a seat.”
    “Thank you, I’d rather stand.”
    So much for putting him at ease.
    “As you wish,” I nodded. “What is it you wanted to see me about?”
    I realized with some chagrin that I was falling into a formal speech pattern, but found that I couldn’t help it. Badaxe seemed bound and determined to be somber, and I felt obligated to respond in kind.
    “Well ... I’d like to speak to you about your apprentice.”
    “Aahz?” I said. As far as the kingdom was concerned, Aahz was my loyal student.
    “What’s he done now?”
    “No ... not Aahz.” the General clarified hastily. “I was referring to Massha.”
    “Massha?” I blinked. This was truly a surprise. As far as I knew, Massha and the General had always gotten along fine. “Very well. What’s the problem?”
    “Oh, don’t understand me, Lord Magician. There’s no problem. Quite the contrary. I wanted to speak to you taking her hand in marriage.”
    On a day of surprises, this announcement caught me the most off guard.
    “Why?” I sputtered, unable to think of anything else to say.
    The General’s brow darkened noticeably.
    “If you’re referring to her less than slender appearance or perhaps the difference in our age ...” he began in a deep growl.
    “No, you misunderstand me,” I said hastily, cutting him off ... though once he mentioned them, both points were worth reflecting on. “I meant, why should you want to speak to me about such a matter?”
    “Oh. That.”
    For the moment, at least, Badaxe seemed mollified. I mentally made a note to table any discussion of the two points he had raised until another time.
    “It’s really rather simple, Lord Magician,” the General was continuing. “Though I suppose it’s rather old fashioned of me, I felt I should follow proprieties and establish my good intentions by stating them in advance.