Free Journey to Wubang 01 - Earth to Hell by Kylie Chan Page A

someone reminded that bunch of stiffarsed old farts exactly what it means to pursue the Tao,’ the Jade Emperor said amiably. He poured the tea and we all tapped the table in thanks. ‘See? You show respect in exactly the right amount required, at the time it is required, and not more. And when the order is a stupid one, you make your feelings clear. The most senior Celestials are aware of your serpent form, Emma. They were fully expecting you to take it, eventhough you made it clear that you regard your human form as your True Form.’ He sighed with feeling. ‘So many blindly follow orders purely to avoid taking responsibility for their actions. Lazy . Now.’ He picked up his teacup, brushing his long sleeve out of the way. ‘Leo Alexander. Stupid bastard. Entirely much more trouble than he is worth. I know why you did it, Lady, but he has still been a massive thorn in my side for many years.’
    Kwan Yin nodded silently.
    He sipped his tea. ‘You certainly have my permission to try your best to pull Leo out. Go for it. If you can persuade him out of Hell, I’d be very happy indeed.’
    ‘I wasn’t expecting this to be so easy after all the bureaucracy we’ve had to go through,’ I said.
    The Emperor smiled slightly. ‘We thought we would be able to fix this without the intervention of a mortal such as yourself. It makes us look very, very bad to have to call you in on this. The Celestial should be able to handle this type of thing.’
    ‘Leo’s very stubborn when he wants to be,’ I said.
    The Emperor raised his teacup to me. ‘That he is. And thoroughly Worthy. I am looking forward to seeing him take his place here among the Immortals.’
    ‘He’s black and gay, Ah Ting,’ Bai Hu said.
    We all stared at Bai Hu with astonishment, even the Jade Emperor.
    ‘I’m just saying,’ Bai Hu said with a shrug. ‘He’d be the first.’
    I turned back to the Jade Emperor. ‘He’d be the first gay Immortal? Is it allowed? I know the tradition…’
    ‘Humankind is very fond of rules,’ the Jade Emperor said. ‘Very fond of putting things into little boxes and sticking labels on them. Yang is masculine; yin is feminine. Therefore all males must be yang and be attracted to females. Despite the fact that the universe isobviously not built that way, humans insist on creating their little boxes and pushing things into them even when it’s quite plain that they don’t fit.’ He poured more tea. ‘The nature of the Tao is the true nature of all. If a man is attracted to other men and that is his nature, then how can he pursue the Tao without pursuing that nature? Ridiculous.’
    ‘So it’s not an issue?’ I said.
    ‘Of course not,’ the Emperor said. ‘There are plenty of gay Immortals, there always have been. The minute you stick a label on something it loses its true nature and you move further away from the Tao, which is nameless.’
    ‘But he’s black ,’ Bai Hu said.
    ‘I have the sudden urge to rap you sharply across the nose, cat,’ the Emperor said.
    ‘He’s not Eastern , I meant,’ Bai Hu said. ‘It’s not the colour, it’s the location . I mean, we’ve had Westerners gain Immortality here before…’ His voice trailed off. He raised his hands in defeat. ‘Okay. I just made my own point. Shutting up now.’
    ‘You aren’t just a sexist pig, you’re a racist one as well,’ I said with wonder.
    ‘The hell I am,’ the Tiger said. ‘He doesn’t belong to this Corner of the World. He should be Raised to Immortality in the United States, his home. He should reside on his own Celestial Plane.’
    ‘What about me?’ I said.
    ‘You too. If you were to gain Immortality, you should do it in the South, where you belong, and live in the Southern Celestial Plane.’
    ‘What about me?’ Simone said.
    The Tiger opened his mouth and closed it again.
    ‘Oh, very well,’ the Emperor said. ‘But this is strictly for your ears only, you are not to share it with anyone. The Elder of the