Free MA08 Myth-Nomers and Im-Pervections by Robert Asprin Page A

one threw me.
    “A what up his what?”
    The policeman looked up from his notepad. “And how are ya spellin’ that, now?”
    “Umm ... forget it. Just put down Skeeve. That’s my name.” His pencil moved briskly, and for a moment I thought I had gotten away with my gaffe. No such luck.
    “ ... And what was that you were sayin’ before?”
    “Oh, nothing. Just a nickname.”
    Even to me, the explanation sounded weak. Kalvin groaned as the policeman gave me a hard look before scribbling a few more notes on his pad.
    “An alias, is it?” he murmured under his breath.
    This was sounding worse all the time.
    “But ... ”
    “Residence?”
    “The New Inn.”
    My protests seemed to be only making things worse, so I resolved to answer any other questions he might have as simply and honestly as possible.
    “A hotel, eh?” The pencil was moving faster now. “And where would your regular residence be?”
    “The Bazaar at Deva.”
    The policeman stopped writing. Raising his hand, he peered at me carefully.
    “Now I thought we had gotten this matter of disguises settled,” he said, a bit too casually. “So tell me, Mr. Skeeve, are you a Klahd ... or a Deveel masquerading as one?”
    “I’m a Klahd ... really!”
    “ ... Who lives on Deva,” the policeman finished grimly. “That’s a pretty expensive place to be callin’ home, boyo. Just what is it you do for a livin’ that you can afford such an extravagant address ... or to pay for expensive meals you aren’t going to eat, for that matter?”
    “I, uh, work for a corporation ... M.Y.T.H. Inc ... It’s a co-op of magik consultants.”
    “Is that a fact?” The policeman’s skepticism was open. “Tell me, boyo, what is it you do for them that they had to hire a Klahd instead of one of their local lads?”
    Maybe I was recovering from passing out, or maybe his sarcasm was getting to me, but I started to get a bit annoyed with the questions.
    “I’m the president and founder,” I snapped, “and since I personally recruited the staff, they didn’t have whole bunches to say about my qualifications.”
    Actually, they had had a lot to say. Specifically, they were the ones who railroaded me into my current lofty position. Somehow, though, this didn’t seem to be the time to try to point that out.
    “Really?” The policeman was still pushing, but he seemed a lot more respectful now. “It’s clear that there’s more to you than meets the eye, Mister Skeeve.”
    “Steady, Skeeve,” the Djin said quietly. “Let’s not get too aggressive with the representatives of the local law.”
    It was good advice, and I tried to get a handle on my temper. “You can check it out if you like,” I said stiffly.
    “Oh, I intend to. Would you mind tellin’ me what the president of a corporation from Deva is doin’ in our fair dimension? Are you here on business?”
    “Well ... I guess you could say that.”
    “Good. Then I’m sure you won’t mind givin’ me the names of our citizens you’re dealin’ with.”
    Too late I saw the trap. As a businessman, I should have local references. This may seem like a silly oversight to you, but you’ll have to remember my background up to this point. Most of my ventures into the various dimensions had been more of the raider or rescue mission variety, so it never occurred to me there was another way of doing business. Of course, admitting this would probably do little toward improving the impression I was making on this stalwart of the law.
    I considered my alternatives. I considered trying to lie my way out of the predicament. Finally, I decided to give the truth one last try.
    “There isn’t anyone specifically that I’m dealing with,” I said carefully. “The fact of the matter is that I’m looking for someone.”
    “Oh? Then you’re hirin’ for your corporation? Out to raid some of our local talent?”
    That didn’t sound too good either.
    “It’s not a recruiting mission, I assure you. I’m trying to