Free A Stolen Life by Jaycee Dugard

wasn’t really on an island with a rich friend. He said the police had found some drugs in the house and arrested him for parole violation. He added it was Nancy’s pipe that they had found. She had forgotten that she had put it in a drawer in the house. He asked if Nancy had taken good care of me and I said yes. He talked for a while longer and then took a nap on the bed, while I read quietly, wondering inside would this be the end of him hurting me? Somehow knowing it wasn’t.

Christmas

     
    T he
Today
show says that today is December 25, 1993. It is day 907 of my captivity. It is Christmas Day. I am alone. I am mostly always alone. No one to talk to; no one to hug me unless Phillip comes in. He gives me hugs sometimes and makes me feel loved. But am I really? Will I always feel this alone? I try not to dwell on the things I don’t have. Phillip thanks me for helping him with his problem. He said he is reading the Bible now and God is helping him, too. I hate the sex so much, but at least it’s not as bad as last year. Phillip has made the “runs” a lot shorter and he hasn’t been taking any drugs in between. He says he’s trying to quit. The last “run” was a couple of weeks ago. Sometimes he comes in for a quick masturbation, but at least he doesn’t always stick it in me. He says he saves it now for the “runs.” I hate drugs, I wish he wouldn’t take them. I think they turn him intoanother person. He seems nice the rest of the time. That’s how I get through the sex, I just tell myself it will be over and he will come back and be the “nice” person I think he can be. I just have to get past feeling the pain.
    He seems to have an opinion on everything, especially religion. Ever since he came back from his stay at the prison he has been reading the Bible a lot. He says the mysteries of the Bible are becoming clear to him. He doesn’t seem really religious to me. The “runs” have been really scary lately, but I’m getting used to them. At least I know what to expect. He likes to follow a routine mostly. He’s been acting strange lately, though. He thinks he hears voices from the TV even when it’s muted. He asks me if I can hear it, too, and I say I don’t hear anything, but sometimes I’m afraid to disagree with him. He bought this device called Bionic Ears and he puts it up to the wall and puts on headphones and listens to the wall for hours. On the one hand, it’s great because I don’t have to jack him off or anything, but it’s weird, too. What does he hear? He says he hears conversations and people’s voices. I don’t pay much attention, it gives me the opportunity to get some rest.
    Not much is going on for Christmas today. Nancy said she would bring me a plate of Christmas dinner that Phillip’s mom makes. She and Phillip said they would have eaten back here with me but his mother would be alone, so they would come in later tonight. I wonder what my mom is doing today. They are probably having a nice family dinner together. I hope she is happy. I’m sure Carl is a lot happier now that I am gone. I don’t think he liked me much. I got in the way a lot. I wonder if I will ever feel happy again. I pretend I’m happy a lot, just so Phillipand Nancy don’t feel bad. I’ve learned that having a good attitude around them makes them want to do more for me. So I keep my true feelings to myself.
    My plans for the day are: 1. watch the
Today
show, 2. Play a couple hours of Super Mario Bros., 3. Take a nap, and 4. Hopefully by then it will be dinnertime. My day. Very exciting. I am so lonely. I wish I had someone to talk to. Tomorrow will probably be the same.
Reflections
     
    During these interceding months I am moved back and forth from the “studio” to “next door” many times. I’m not sure why I was shuffled from one room to the next. I think a part of it was because he liked to have some of his friends come over and smoke weed and play music all night. I remember the music