Free Love Always, Damian by D. Nichole King Page A

me stands on the edge of the peninsula, and her calling me daddy rings loud and clear in my head again.
    Before I can stop myself, I stride over and pick up the toy. I can’t remember what she called these things, but this one is special to her. Because she’s a princess. The silky purple hair has a streak of pink in it. Damn horse is so fucking girly that it makes me smile thinking about Lia playing with a whole hoard of these things.
    I push the thought out of my head. Lia’s gone, and she’s not coming back, thank God. That little girl deserves more than I can ever offer. I need to get her out of my memory before I change my mind.
    On the way out to my car, I dump the toy into the garbage.
     
    ~*~
     
    “From the gym?” Leslie, Kate’s favorite nurse, asks. It’s clear she doesn’t believe me.
    “Finals week was tough,” I answer. “I had to take it out on something.”
    “A cement block?”
    I puff out a laugh. Leslie and I have a like/hate relationship. The only thing we ever agreed on was Katie. Somewhere along the way, though, I won Leslie over, and I can’t figure out how. After all the crap I did, I was never good enough for Kate.
    “Let’s clean it up and I’ll ask your dad to write up an antibiotic script for you.”
    “I appreciate it, Leslie.”
    After I’m wrapped up, Leslie, who acts as my supervisor of sorts, gives me the rundown for the day. I’m limited in what the hospital will allow me to do, but I work my ass off and do what I’m asked. Completely unlike how things were before Kate.
    Before, I didn’t give a flying fuck and the hospital was the last place I wanted to be. That fact was clear to everyone here. I was an asshole, destroying hospital property, creating more work for the nurses, and doing what I could to make their lives hell. Until Kate, I never gave a patient a backward glance. It was Kate who changed that.
    Now, the patients are my biggest reason for coming. None of them deserve to be here fighting for their lives like this. Cancer is the devil, an evil monster that destroys everything in its path.
    And all the kids in here have looked him square in the mother-fucking eye and said, “I won’t let you win.”
    When I’m finished with what Leslie gave me, I make my way into The Commons for some down time. The room is like a large rec room with sofas, tables, and chairs, a ping-pong table, a seventy-inch television with a Blu-ray, Wii U, and X-box. Windows line one whole side and the adjacent wall has been painted by the kids who’ve spent time here. Anything they wanted to paint or write in whatever colors they choose. It’s a memorial, an inspiration, and a reminder to keep fighting. The patients call it the Hope Wall.
    I’ve searched the wall high and low, and I’ve never found Kate’s. I guess she died before she got the chance.
    There are two bald little boys playing Mario Kart , faces contorted into competitive mode. Brennan crosses my mind and how I let him win the tournament at his remission party over four years ago. Leslie tells me he’s doing great with a head full of dirty blond hair and has only been back for check-ups.
    As I scan the room, I realize the boys aren’t alone. In the far corner, sitting on a pink beanbag and reading a book, is a girl. What strikes me is the long, blonde hair that falls in her face the same way Lia’s did last night. In fact, this girl can’t be more than a few years older than Lia.
    I don’t want to approach her, but my feet move toward her anyway. She looks up and studies me.
    “Are you a doctor?” she asks, frowning.
    I shake my head. “Maybe someday. My dad’s a doctor, though.”
    “Is the doctor here your dad?”
    “Maybe. There’s a few doctors on this floor.”
    She blinks, contemplating my answer. Something stole this child’s joy, and I’m pretty sure I know what since she’s sitting here, in the pediatric oncology ward.
    Tears spring in her eyes as she extends an arm to show me the inside of her