Free A House of Cards: Deconstructing Ethan by J. P. Barnaby

with himself, so confident in his emotions. I wanted that…so badly.
    When Stephen told me a few days later that he had secured me a place with a local Domme, I was nervous, but excited. When he told me that she was also Ryan’s Domme, I felt…comforted. I would not be alone. I would have someone to talk to about my experiences. For the first time in my life, I started to see daylight at the end of the tunnel.
    My first meeting with Nicole was certainly not what I had expected it to be. We met at a quiet and comfortable coffee shop outside of the normal student hang-outs where she could ask questions and get to know me; and that’s exactly what she wanted to do, get to know me. She said that different aspects of my personality would lend themselves to various things that we would do together. Even though she was open and very nice, I felt awkward with her, like a gangly teenage boy next to the prom queen. She had experience, stature in this lifestyle and I did not. After a while, she seemed to get the information that she needed and I was finally going to get started; to see if this was the one thing that could help me, as Stephen believed that it could.
    It took weeks of careful and patient sessions before she was able to penetrate me without causing me to burst into tears. All I could see and feel during those initial sessions was him, his presence lingered, haunting me – never allowing me peace. I knew she had no idea what I had been through, but Stephen had told her to be gentle with me. During these times, she would stroke my hair and tell me that I was safe. She taught me to please her orally, which initially I didn’t think I would want to do, but once I saw how I could please her no matter what position I was bound in, and even without the use of my hands, it became one of my favorite session moments with her. Within the first two weeks, I was devoted to her. I think it was because of the way she made me feel when she disciplined me. It was one area where she didn’t need to be gentle. I welcomed the pain, I longed for it. When she paddled me, and eventually whipped or caned me, I could detach myself from my past and focus solely on it.
    In my willing submission to another, I found my escape. I found my purpose.
    “Ethan?” Jayden asked as he knocked on my door frame. My door was open, but not wanting to startle me, he always knocked before he entered. Marking my page, I looked up. “How are you?” I liked thinking back to those first few sessions with Nicole, she had been so patient with me and giving up that control was just what I had needed. Jayden came into the room and knelt in front of my chair. “Lexi and Connor are out for the day, I thought maybe it would be a good time for us to do a session.” He positioned himself between my legs and pressed his lips to my ear, “Please, Master Ethan.” When he kissed my neck gently, I closed my eyes, nodding. Pulling away slowly, he started to rise, but I stopped him.
    “Jayden, I was wondering…I thought maybe...” I stammered, feeling like an idiot. It shouldn’t be this hard. He put his hand on the side of my face.
    “What is it, Ethan?” he asked, with genuine concern.
    “I thought maybe it would help if I took a submissive role. think maybe it would be best if you were in control.” He put his other hand on my face and brought my lips to his.
    “I would be honored,” he said simply before his lips met mine. Then he stood up, still holding one of my hands. “I will get things set up, just come in when you’re ready.” I nodded and he left the room. Walking over to the bed, I took off my clothes so that I could put myself in someone else’s hands for the first time in nearly five years.
    After walking naked into their playroom, I took my place on the mat in the center of the room where I had last seen Connor. I knelt in subservience to Jayden with my fingers laced behind my neck and my eyes on the floor, waiting. I felt him come up behind