Free Desired Affliction by C.A. Harms Page B

once again being a slut…it’s who you are Lex…A WHORE. You will fuck anyone
with a dick. You’ll never change. I have heard about you from around town. You
woke up in so many different beds with so many different guys. Hell you have
been poked more than a pin cushion…you are dirty and anyone with sense wouldn’t
want you. You’re used…and not worth the time.’
    I hated that he was getting to me. I didn’t have anyone
to talk to and I felt like the room was beginning to close in on me. I felt
like I couldn’t breathe.
    I wanted a drink. I wanted to clear my head of the
garbage. Matt was bringing back the images of how I felt about myself. I had
been trying to fight it. Since I have been with Kole things have been easier to
forget. He is a great distraction. But at the end of the day when I close my
eyes and my mind begins to wonder…I see myself morning after morning waking up
after a night of regret. Knowing what I had done but unable to remember the
details…for that night I was able to tolerate a touch, a kiss…sex without
feeling terrified.
    I didn’t have to be numb to be with Kole…when he touched
me I didn’t feel dirty or frightened. I actually felt safe and desired. I
didn’t deserve the way he looked at me. I was dirty…and a slut.
    The longer I sat there the harder it was to fight the
urge to get drunk…just to go to nearest bar and lose myself. I had no one here
to stop me and no one here to make me feel bad for it. I picked up my phone to
call Megan but it went to her voicemail. I couldn’t call Kole again it hadn’t
even been an hour since I last talked to him. I didn’t want to be the nagging
girlfriend. He needed the time with his family without me interrupting him.
    I tried to watch a movie but I couldn’t stop my mind from
turning. I tried to eat something but my stomach was in knots. I slipped on my
jeans and changed my shirt. After I paced my room for over twenty minutes I
slowly slid on my shoes and grabbed for my keys.
    Pulling up in front of a place called ‘Grubs’ I started
to second guess my choice. It didn’t look busy so someone I know seeing me
shouldn’t be a problem. Almost everyone had gone home for the weekend. Fuck
it…I grabbed my fake ID and money then went inside.
    I made my way to the bar and really didn’t pay attention
to my surroundings. “What can I get ya sweetheart?” A middle aged guy from
behind the bar asked as I sat down on the stool, “Tequila two and a bud light.”
He nodded his head and turned to get my drinks. “Hey Russ I got that,” I heard
someone say over my left shoulder. I turned to look behind me but he was
already lowering himself onto the chair next to me. He was entirely to close
and I felt my chest tighten. I had never seen this guy before. He appeared to
be maybe in his mid to late twenties. He wasn’t bad looking with his shaggy
hair and blue eyes…but he wasn’t Kole.
    Kole had really ruined that for me. Now that I had him…no
one else seemed to measure up. I found myself comparing every man to him…his
height, his build…his dreamy eyes and perfect lips. The way his chest felt
under my hands and his broad shoulders.
    “You want me to bite that lip for you sugar?” I hadn’t
realized I was biting my lower lip. My attention had wondered off thinking
about Kole and when the man next to me spoke it gave me chills. I wrinkled up
my nose at him, “Actually I’m sorry I have a boyfriend…I’m not interested and I
can buy my own drinks.” I turned back to the guy behind the bar and gave him
the twenty.
    I was hoping that this guy would get the hint and leave
but he just sat there looking at me with a grin on his face. I could feel his
eyes on me, “Well a sexy girl like you shouldn’t be alone in a bar. Your
boyfriend should be here with you. What kind a man lets a pretty thing like you
walked around alone at night?” This idea was such a big mistake. I was getting
nervous and I couldn’t even bring myself to