Free Lessons of the Past by Chloe Maxx

his problem?
“I spent the day getting fluids pumped into me and I’m on anti-nausea meds.” I flopped down on the couch. “They make me really sleepy, though.”
    Javier nodded again and moved my feet to sit down. He placed them on his lap and began massaging my instep. “Mmm. That feels really good.”
    “I’m glad.” He wasn’t looking at me, only my feet. Something was off, and I had no idea what.
    “What the fuck is wrong with you?”
    He looked in my direction, eyebrows scrunched. “What?”
    “You’re barely speaking and you won’t look at me.”
    “I have a lot on my mind.”
    Yanking my feet out of his grasp, I sat up. “Then tell me about it.”
    He scrubbed both hands over his face and through his hair. “Fuck.” He stood and I knew whatever he had to say was bad. “I couldn’t be there for you. At all.”
    “It’s okay. I wasn’t by myself, and even if I were, I’m a big girl.”
    “Exactly.” He threw his arms out in front of him. “Some other guy was there for you!”
    I had no idea what to say, so I went with, “It’s fine.”
    “No, it’s not.” He began pacing. “It’s not fine at all. I want you. Fuck. But I’m being selfish. I just don’t know…”
    I knew exactly where this was going. “Don’t know what?” I questioned icily.
    “I just don’t know if I should be this selfish. I don’t think I should.” He turned to look at me, regret marring his face.
    I didn’t want to hear him, too tired to listen. I already knew what was going to happen. I stood and walked to the door. “You need to leave.”
    “Al—”
    “Don’t,” I cut him off. “We both know where this conversation is headed. I’m just saving us time.” I opened the door, a tear falling from my eye.
    He closed his eyes and nodded before walking toward me. “I’m sorry,” he said before walking out.
    I slammed the door and sank to the floor. Letting my head fall back, I tried to process what had just happened. Neither of us had said we were over, but it was pretty clear. Since he couldn’t be there for me, he’d rather just end it.
    I already felt like shit, now I felt shittier, but instead of sadness, another emotion was taking over: anger. I felt so angry.
    I got up and trudged toward my room. I was not going to waste another tear over him. We hadn’t even gotten started, yet we were finished.
    Fine by me.
    Not really, but I’d keep telling myself that until it was true. I crawled in bed as my phone beeped from the nightstand.
    Unknown: Join us at The Underground this Friday. Local folk rock band Gateway will be performing at 8.
    I scowled and was about to toss my phone when it beeped again.
    Javier: I’m sorry. I really am. And I hope you feel better.

Chapter 10
    Thursday came and went without any contact from Javier. By Friday, I was feeling almost normal and had even sat through his class.
    After he dismissed class, he called my name, but I pretended not to hear him and kept walking. The truth was, I didn’t want to hear him say it was over. I
knew
it was, but this way, I could live in denial a little longer. It was why I had kicked him out instead of listening to him.
    Childish and immature? Yes. Did that stop me? No.
    I walked into the student union, finally hungry, and ordered a slice of pizza. After I gathered up a couple packets of parmesan cheese, I found a table.
    Two seconds later, Courtney sat down next to me. “I’m so glad you are feeling better. I need to get out. Let’s do something tonight.”
    “Hello to you, too,” I said. “I’m game for going out. But I don’t want to go to a party or anything.”
    “Awesome!”
    I remembered the text I had received late Wednesday night. “This coffee shop I go to sometimes is having a concert tonight, wanna go?”
    “At a coffee shop?” she asked, looking confused.
    “Yeah. I promise, it’ll be fun.”
    “Okay, I’m game.”
    “What are you game for?” Lane asked, taking the seat across from me.
    “We are going