Free Why Men Want Sex and Women Need Love by Barbara Pease Page A

and her children, then this is seen as a liability, because without this support, she’d have to fend for herself. The prime criterion a woman will use to measure a man’s potential for commitment is … love. As we said earlier, research on love has shown that it exists in every culture in the world where love studies have been conducted. In the study by Buss, he collated a list of 115 “acts of love” as described by the women in his research project. The number-one item on this list was any act of love that demonstrated commitment. These acts included avoiding or giving up romantic relations with other women, talking about marriage and children, listeningto her problems, being there for emotional support when necessary, and the giving of gifts.
    Sincerity is the most sought after attribute by women in personal ads. Women ask for sincerity four times more often than men ask for it. Sincerity is another word for commitment, and commitment carries the promise of resources.
5. Education and intelligence
     
    A man with higher education and intelligence is seen as being more capable of acquiring resources. Higher education means he’s likely to hold more senior positions in the workplace and therefore have more power, status, and resources. Higher intelligence promises the potential for the same things.
    Although women today are still hardwired to be attracted to men who are financially secure, they also strive for financial security for themselves. In past generations, this was not an issue, because marriage meant
forever
and the man would always be there to provide for the woman and her children. And because past generations had large families, they also had the benefit of a large support network. Today, there is no guarantee that a man will be there for a woman tomorrow. For example, the number of families in Britain headed by a solo mother is 19.67%; that’s one in five families. 3 This compares to 2.16% solo male heads of family, so personal financial security has become a real issue for women.
    This is not to say that every woman wants to marry a millionaire, but she definitely doesn’t want a man who gambles, takes unnecessary risks with money, or spends too much on himself. Past generations of women had little choice but to tolerate financial recklessness and “stand by their man,” but twenty-first century women see this behavior as irresponsible and read it as a sign that he doesn’t love or respect them.

Commitment—Why a Man Should Give a Woman an Impressive Ring
     
    When a man wants to capture a woman’s heart for the long term, he does it with a ring. And the bigger or more expensive the ring is, the more it signals to her—and to all other women—that the man intends to commit his resources to her. Put simply, the more outstanding the ring is, the bigger his commitment of resources to that woman is seen to be by
all
women. Even if a man is short on cash, he is better to take a loan and buy a significant ring than to give a woman a small or insignificant one. This is a point most men don’t understand. A woman will look at her rings regularly, and they remind her of a man’s commitment to her. Female friends also look at each other’s rings to gauge men’s commitment. Even if the couple live in a modest home and drive an old car, the woman’s ring was purchased specifically for her and is seen by women as a public declaration of the size of his love and commitment to her.
    Kevin understood how this love criterion operated in a woman’s mind, so he bought his wife several impressive pieces of jewelry. Personally, Kevin wore only a plain gold wedding ring and occasionally a watch and saw no point in buying expensive jewelry for himself. He didn’t feel the need to use jewelry to make a statement
.
    Kevin’s brother, Glen, applied this same male perspective to his wife, Leanne, and rarely gave her any jewelry, and if he did, they were usually small, crappy pieces he purchased in Thailand or at