Free Tallow by Karen Brooks Page A

the way she was scrutinising Pillar that she was constructing a history for him. Slender, she was also muscular. Veins ran in cords along her forearm and wrist, newly defined as she lifted the mug. She hesitantly placed her full mouth against the rim and tipped the mug. Her cheeks changed shape as she tasted the drink, savouring it before drinking like a thirsty sailor. She wasted no time refilling her mug and emptying it again. She must have been parched.
    It was hard to tell how old she was. There was something timeless about her. I don't know how else to describe it. She was lined, not in the weary way that Pillar and Quinn were, but in a way that made me think of sunshine and darkness all at once. And, as I'd noticed in the taverna, there was something incomplete about her. The strength of her personality was almost overwhelming, but what I sensed lacking was more to do with spirit – as though she'd exhausted some ephemeral part of herself that could never be recovered. I wondered who she was and why she was here. And, above all, I wondered why she'd kissed my hand.
    'Drink up, boy,' said Pillar, nodding towards my cafe. 'It's good.' He'd all but finished his.
    'You can drop the pretence, candlemaker,' said Katina, her lips curling into a half-smile. 'Tallow and I have already had this conversation. I know she's a girl. Why, she's practically got breasts.'
    I almost dropped my mug. Pillar did. It fell from his frozen fingers and rolled on the floor before coming to stop before the fire. He didn't pick it up. He just stared at Katina, his tic working overtime. Katina was right. I had breasts – small ones, yes, but breasts all the same. They were bandaged flat to my chest under my shirt. My hands rose self-consciously, as if to protect them.
    'What do you mean?' asked a horrified Pillar.
    'Come on! You can't be that ignorant! The girl's growing, changing. Why do you think she's suddenly started broadcasting her abilities all over the place? Why do you think that after fourteen long years of searching, I was finally able to find her?'
    We both stared at Katina. I tried to hide the anticipation rising within me. Pillar forced a blank expression onto his face.
    Katina looked from me to Pillar and back again. She groaned and dropped her head into her hands. 'Of course,' she mumbled. 'Now I am being stupid. You either don't know what you are or, if you do, you're not going to admit it, are you?'
    I hesitated. If I answered either of her questions, we'd all be in trouble. If I stayed silent, she would think me a fool and judge Pillar more harshly than I sensed she already had. Instead, I dissembled.
    'I'm not sure what you mean. I'm a girl ... and I'm a candlemaker's apprentice.'
    Katina sank back in the chair and shook her head. 'We're not going to play this game, are we?' Neither Pillar nor I answered. 'Right. That's all you are. A girl, masquerading as a boy, who makes candles.'
    I shrugged.
    'Why do you disguise her as a boy?' The question was aimed at Pillar.
    He shrugged. 'It seemed the right thing to do. And, anyway –'
    'Yes?' prompted Katina.
    'When I first found her there were some very odd people, soldier types and others, looking for a baby girl. We didn't want them to take her. So, we figured, Mamma and me, that if we said we had a boy, we wouldn't be bothered by them – and we were right.'
    'That's not the only reason though, is it?' persisted Katina. 'Boys can be put to work. Girls, well. Apart from domestic duties, they just cost money, don't they?'
    'Well, yes, I guess.' Pillar flashed me a guilty look. 'But you're putting words in my mouth. I didn't care what Tallow was, boy or girl. I wanted to keep him ... her. I wanted to teach her. The child has real talents. He ... she,' he corrected again, 'would have earnt her keep, no matter what.'
    Katina arched a brow. 'And what sort of talents are these, Tallow?'
    I didn't answer immediately. The question was designed to trip me up. 'I don't know,' I began