Free Tallow by Karen Brooks

'I'm a girl.'
    Katina gave a half-laugh that sounded more like a cry. 'Ah, my poor ragazza. What have they done?' As she leaned closer and pressed her forehead against mine, I allowed my hands to drop into my lap. 'I've been to hell and back for you.' Katina's fingers replaced mine once more and, as she stroked my cheeks, I winced. Her calloused fingers passed over bruises and grazes, but I relished the unaccustomed caresses.
    I didn't know what to say to her. 'I'm sorry,' I finally whispered and closed my eyes again. The weight of Katina's forehead pressed against my own. It was warm, reassuring; a melding of flesh and perhaps, I fancied, even minds. Katina's breath circled my cheeks, the silkiness of her hair tickled my nose. I sat perfectly still, not daring to speak, to breathe, lest the moment end, lest my confession be proved false somehow and break this unaccustomed intimacy.
    'Don't be sorry. I'm not,' said Katina finally. 'Not now – about anything.' My eyes flew open and she sighed deeply and then smiled. I noticed she had a dimple. 'You see, Tallow, I've been waiting for you for a long, long time.' So many lifetimes.
    And then this strange, wonderful woman did the most shocking thing of all. She released my face abruptly, sat back on her knees and, taking my filth-coated hand in her own, she kissed it.

C HAPTER S EVEN
Secrets revealed
    I COULDN'T MOVE. I JUST sat there. The soft pressure of Katina's lips against the back of my hand and the tender touch of her fingers in mine made me shiver. I didn't want the sensations to stop. But they did. She rose and, with a pragmatism that belied her last gesture, slapped and pulled her skirt into some kind of order before striding into the kitchen to take stock of what was there.
    I knew that particular moment would be burnt into my memory forever.
    Pillar rejoined us only when I was clean and wrapped in a blanket, my cuts dressed and my ribs bandaged. I was sipping a mug of cafe – something I'd only ever tasted a few times in my life. Katina had even added something from a small flask she kept in a satchel she'd brought with her. It made my insides burn.
    'Do you want some?' Katina offered Pillar as he closed the door at the end of the room and stood behind the chair opposite mine.
    Ignoring Katina, he addressed me. 'She's sleeping now. The cut wasn't as bad as it looked. Long but not deep.' I watched Pillar's fingers march along the back of the chair before they closed around the wood in a white-knuckled grip. 'It's the shock more than anything. No-one has ever done anything like that to her before.' His eyes slid to where Katina now sat, a tic in his cheek working rhythmically as he spoke.
    'Maybe if they had, she wouldn't be so free with her hands and feet,' said Katina. Not waiting for Pillar to respond, she poured another mug of cafe, adding a generous splash from her flask. 'Come on, sit down. I know you're furious with me, but it's hard to tell you anything with you standing over me like a thundercloud.'
    Pillar glanced towards his mother's room, at me, then at Katina. Emotions played across his face, colour flooded his cheeks, but he pulled out the chair he was holding and sat down hard. Katina pushed the mug towards him.
    Pillar stared at it for a moment and then took a cautious swallow. He coughed a bit and smacked his lips appreciatively. Again, he addressed me, talking to a point just over my shoulder as was his custom. 'Makes a difference, a little bit of spirit in the cafe. Warms you up. Good for the soul on a wild night like this.'
    Katina didn't seem to be at all concerned by Pillar's lack of manners. On the contrary, she studied the room – whether in disdain or appreciation, I couldn't tell. The fire played against her auburn hair, throwing a glowing halo around her head, making her seem even more mystical and unreal than she already did. She had enormous brown eyes that were speckled with silver. Strange eyes. They missed nothing and I could see by