Free Men Still at Work: Professionals Over Sixty and on the Job by Elizabeth F. Fideler Page B

support, resilient women who are more readily adapting to the changing economy, getting retrained, going back to college, finding new careers. These recent socioeconomic changes make it difficult to know whether and to what degree the once-inviolable “masculinity rules” still have meaning for men in the senior years.
    For instance, a comparison between older men’s and older women’s responses to my survey question about mentors/role models reveals an intriguing difference. As stated earlier, nearly three-quarters of the older men in my study reported having one or more mentors or role models at some point in their careers. Even more of the women—more than three-quarters—had one or more mentors or role models, among them a list of supportive family members, employers, and educators that was similar to the men’s list. Yet the women included two groups scarcely mentioned by the men: colleagues and friends. One can only speculate that men launching careers in the 1950s, 1960s, and 1970s had less need to depend on colleagues and friends for help than women did.
    That explanation is far more palatable than John Gray’s stereotypical observations in Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus . 15 For Venusians, said Gray, it’s all about sharing feelings and the quality of relationships, about supporting, helping, and nurturing. “Relationships [to Venusians] are more important than work or technology. . . . To share their personal feelings is much more important than achieving goals and success.” 16 Martians, in contrast, are more interested in objects and things than people and feelings. “Martians value power, competency, efficiency, and achievement. They are always doing things to prove themselves and develop their power and skills. Their sense of self is defined through their ability to achieve results. They experience fulfillment primarily through success and accomplishment.” 17
    Gray’s portrayals of gender differences, once all the rage, are no longer valid insofar as they completely underestimate twenty-first-century women’s commitment to their careers and their striving for success, as well as men’s greater willingness to share in parenting and be more communicative. Still, for better or worse, there is at least a small kernel of truth in the rest of his analysis. It is still hard for men to ask for help. And, true to form, relationships are extremely important to women: they are still more likely than men to cite positive connections with coworkers or managers as reasons for staying with their current employers. 18 (These workplace networking kinds of relationships differ from close male friendships with buddies, also known as male bonding, that can involve “arguing, competing, or doing nothing much at all” 19 and can last for years.)
    How are men reacting to changing concepts of masculinity? Robert Bly’s Iron John told us that “The Fifties man was supposed to like football, be aggressive, stick up for the United States, never cry, and always provide.” 20 Later on, after the feminist movement urged men to be “softer” and more “receptive,” Bly found that men were no happier. Thus, according to Bly, for a young man to transfer from the mother’s influence to the father’s and enter into adulthood, he needs to “find the father” (who may be absent or remote) and do the hard work of connecting with “the deep masculine” within himself.
    An outgrowth of the contemporary men’s movement is the Mankind Project (MKP), inspired by mythopoetics like Robert Bly, Joseph Campbell, John Lee, and others. The MKP helps men face challenges and heal emotionally and supports their further growth and development. Ed Barton, the subject of the next profile, serves as a leader and an elder in the MKP, internationally and in this country, in addition to his day job. Being an elder has nothing to do with being elderly, he assures me. He plans on working for another ten years.

    Profile: Edward