Free Dangerous Intentions by Dori Lavelle

one of many painful moments with Jude, a product of rape—was not responsible for this whole mess.
    I hadn’t slept a wink last night mulling over whether I should keep it, whether I wanted to have a child in my life that would remind me of Jude forever. I didn’t want the baby, but I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I got an abortion. I had to do the right thing. This time I couldn’t walk away from my responsibility. “I’m keeping the baby.”
    Dustin’s hands fell off my shoulders and he took a breath in. “Are you sure about this?” His eyes were serious, but not judging.
    “It’s not the baby’s fault.” I shook my head sadly, my head pounding. “I can’t punish it for my own stupidity.”
    “You still want to change your identity and run? It will be more complicated. You do understand that, don’t you? You’ll be a single mother on the run.” He paused and swiped at his forehead. “You understand the impact your decision will have, right? I’m not telling you what to do, but…”
    “Then don’t. You think you’re not, but you are. I’m tired of people telling me what’s right for me. First Jude, and now you.” I jerked to my feet and stomped to the door, but before I stepped out, I turned back to Dustin, shame washing over me. I went back to him.
    I felt heavy, weighed down with decisions I had to make fast. “I shouldn’t have said that. That wasn’t fair. You’re trying to help and I’m being a bitch.”
    “I’m not Jude,” Dustin said softly. “You have to realize that.”
    I sank back down on the bed and cradled my head in my hands. “I know. I’m so sorry.” I looked up again, into his eyes this time. They were clear, kind. Not deep and threatening like Jude’s had been. “You’re not Jude.”
    For a moment, I’d heard Dustin speaking in Jude’s voice, controlling me, making decisions for me. But I had to work harder at reminding myself that not every man was like Jude. I’d just lost so much control over the years. So much of myself.
    “I care, Haley.” He gripped my hands. “I still care. And not in a controlling way.”
    I sighed and leaned my head against his shoulder. “Thank you.”
    We stayed like that for a long time, my head on Dustin’s shoulder, his hand holding mine. I swallowed hard as I thought of the baby growing inside me. The baby of a heartless murderer. I prayed that evil wasn’t in the genes. My heart ached.
    I wasn’t ready to be a mom, especially since I was still recovering from the worst torment of my life. If I could have wished the pregnancy away, I would. Being a single mom on the run was never part of my plans. And neither was giving birth in prison. I had to protect myself, and I had a responsibility to protect this baby. Wanted or not, planned or not, it was a part of me.
    “As soon as your friend is back, I have to continue with my plans. It’s more urgent now.”
    Dustin stood up and approached the window. He lifted the curtain and looked out for a while. Then he turned around, an unreadable expression on his face. “I can’t let you walk straight into danger. Jude is a very intelligent man. We both know that. He will eventually find you. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself knowing I put you in harm’s way.”
    “You?” I retorted, blood rushing to my head so fast I felt dizzy, my blood boiling. “This is my decision, Dustin. My responsibility, and my mistake, if it ends up being one.”
    “I’m terrified for you. How long will you run from him?”
    “As long as it takes. I’ll run for as long as it will take me to be safe. I don’t care if I stay on the run for the rest of my life. I can’t go to prison. I can’t have my baby behind bars.” I wet my lips.
    Dustin came to kneel down in front of me. He covered both my hands with one of his large masculine ones and used the other to cup my chin. “I will not let that happen, Haley. I will do whatever it takes so you don’t end up in prison, do you hear