Free The Final Exam by Gitty Daneshvari Page B

flying water beetles or mutant airborne spiders,” Madeleine fretted feverishly as she attempted to pull her shower cap over her entire body.
    “Uh-oh, I think the Brit’s going batty again,” Theo assessed rather impolitely.
    “Maddie,” Garrison said reassuringly, “Lulu, Theo, and I are going to create a human shield to make sure no insects or spiders can get within three feet of you.”
    “Thank you,” Madeleine whimpered as the threesome surrounded her, swatting away every last gnat, spider, and bug.
    Following closely behind the human bug repellers were Hyacinth, Celery, Macaroni, and Abernathy. While Macaroni usually preferred the company of Theo, he found all the arm-waving more than a tad bothersome. Oddly, he didn’t mind the tone-deaf Christmas carols Hyacinth and Abernathy belted out, proof that canine hearing may not be as superior as previously thought.
    “Is anyone else starting to hate Santa?” Lulu asked, clearly annoyed by Hyacinth and Abernathy’s rendition of “Santa Says Smile.”
    “I’m boycotting the whole month of December,” Garrison grunted.
    “Who cares about Santa? Aren’t you guys worried about this Basmati fellow? I’m barely able to handle Mrs. Wellington, and now we’re meeting another off-the-grid teacher. For all we know, this guy just escaped from the mental ward at Guantánamo Bay,” Theo whispered frantically to Lulu, Madeleine, and Garrison.
    “Is that the pirate ride at Disneyland?” Garrison asked earnestly.
    Madeleine blushed as she looked at Garrison. As gorgeous and kind as he was, he really hadn’t a clue about the world.
    “Garrison, Guantánamo Bay is a detainment facility in Cuba, built to hold prisoners from Afghanistan and Iraq,” Madeleine offered with a kind smile.
    “Thanks, Maddie. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
    Upon hearing this, Madeleine turned a shade of red she didn’t even know existed. She was simultaneously excited, embarrassed, and electrified by his comment.
    “Theo has a point about Basmati. We haven’t a clue what we’re getting into with him. For all we know, he could make the Abernathy situation worse,” Madeleine said, flinching at the sight of a bee twenty feet away.
    “You say that as if it could possibly get worse! In case you haven’t noticed, we are at rock bottom. Sylvie is about to destroy the school and publicly humiliate us all in one fell swoop,” Lulu stated firmly.
    “Wrong,” Garrison replied authoritatively. “Where Wellington is concerned… it can always get worse.”



EVERYONE’S AFRAID OF SOMETHING:
Asthenophobia is the fear
of fainting.

W hat is that?” Lulu griped as she plugged her nose. “Theo, did you pass gas?”
    “How dare you?” Theo thundered. “I would never! Well, at least not in the presence of other people. What do you take me for, a bulldog?”
    “That’s not Theo,” Madeleine quickly assessed. “Sulfur dioxide smells like rotten eggs. My guess is there are hot springs nearby.”
    “Hot springs? How much water are we talking about?A bucket? A bathtub? A pool?” Garrison asked with escalating concern.
    “Contestants! Hurry!” Mrs. Wellington called out from around the bend.
    As Lulu, Madeleine, Garrison, Theo, Hyacinth, and Abernathy turned the corner, gray clouds ominously passed overhead. With the last shred of sunlight fading, the group took in their new surroundings. It was a strange and unique union of beauty and peril. Barbed wire rambled across the stone wall like a wild unkempt vine, its jagged points shimmering in the setting sun.
    Surrounding the spherical fortress wall was a moat with clouds of sulfur lingering just above the surface. Weathered by years of steam, the narrow wooden drawbridge was held precariously together by frayed twine and rusted nails. So absorbed was the group by their new environment, they unanimously failed to notice Garrison’s drastic change in demeanor.
    Within the span of two minutes Garrison had begun to sweat so