Free The Final Exam by Gitty Daneshvari

bearings.
    “Everyone please remain calm. We are not going to die. Or at least it’s unlikely we’re going to die. Of course, I can’t say it’s totally impossible,” Maggie blathered uneasily.
    “Those are not very reassuring words,” Mrs. Wellington snapped. “As a forty-nine-time pageant winner, I demand to know what’s happening!”
    “It’s the alligator, isn’t it?” Theo asked, hysterically weeping. “The alligator ate the pilot! There’s no one flying the plane!”
    “Just tell us what’s happening!” Garrison screamed at Maggie as the plane tilted from side to side.
    “We have reason to believe there’s a person in the engine who’s interfering with the plane’s ability to fly properly.”
    “What’s your reason?” Garrison asked impatiently.
    “We can see her head popping out from time to time. It’s pretty hot in there, so she’s probably trying to cool down. Unfortunately, every time she moves she hits wires and cylinders, causing the plane to move erratically.”
    “What kind of airline are you running here? You let people ride in the engine?” Mrs. Wellington warbled angrily. “I demand a refund!”
    “Should we actually survive, I’m open to discussing that,” Maggie said tensely to Mrs. Wellington, only to be answered by the sound of a ferret vomiting.
    “Sorry, ferrets are really sensitive to motion. That’s why you rarely see them at amusement parks,” Hyacinth explained, holding the ferret’s small head in a barf bag.
    “Oh, that’s why I never see ferrets at Disneyland,” Lulu said with a sarcastic sneer as the plane vibrated violently.
    “I’m confused; are we dying or not?” Abernathy squealed in an abnormally high-pitched tone.
    “Why? Are you ready to make peace with me?” Mrs. Wellington asked, her face contorting with optimism.
    Abernathy responded by looking directly at Mrs. Wellington without either snarling or growling for thefirst time. With this one simple act, the mood in the plane shifted toward hope and possibility.
    “We’re most likely
not
dying,” Maggie answered. “Pilot Aronson is trying to land the plane without killing us or the stowaway. And the good news is, we’re hoping to crash close to the airfield.”
    “That passes for good news? Pathetic,” Theo mumbled while performing a multitude of religious hand gestures. Sadly, he wasn’t sure what half of them meant, or—worse—if he had made them up.
    “Am I correct in assuming that the person in the engine has the complexion of bubblegum?” Schmidty asked while diligently holding his comb-over in place; he had a most terrible fear of dying with bad hair.
    “How did you know?” Maggie shrieked as the plane once again fell into a steep nosedive.
    “Would you ask the pilot to try to crash in an area without any visible signs of bugs or spiders?” Madeleine yelled at Maggie before continuing her silent prayer for survival.
    A sound like that of a chain saw cutting through a radiator reverberated as the whole craft pulsated uncontrollably. As instructed by Maggie, the passengers quicklytightened their seat belts and braced for impact. With her life flashing before her eyes, Maggie, a recently ordained Internet minister, prepared to offer last rites. However, before she could even open her mouth, the plane came to a thunderous halt in a clearing.
    “Is everyone okay?” Mrs. Wellington asked the group before turning to make direct eye contact with her stepson. “Abernathy?”
    All the signs of promise that had been displayed only moments earlier evaporated as Abernathy viciously snarled and growled at Mrs. Wellington.
    “I bet you crashed this plane on purpose to try to make me forgive you!”
    “I did not,” Mrs. Wellington snapped. “What kind of lunatic do you take me for?”
    “The kind who would fake her own death!”
    “Who told him that?” Mrs. Wellington demanded angrily of the children.
    Hyacinth nodded in Theo’s direction as the boy all but climbed beneath