Free SEAL Of My Heart by Sharon Hamilton

I’m just not ready. I want to do this when I’m sure, Randy. I need more time.”
    His tone got reproving. He was curt, responding with a bitter, clipped attitude. “Mom and—”
    “This has nothing to do with your mom. You family’s lovely, Randy. Really lovely.”
    “So it’s me?”
    “No.”
    “You don’t like how I’ve been making plans you think you should be making? No problem. I’ll back off until you get your little hissy fit out of the way.”
    “It’s not like that, Randy.”
    “Not like anyone isn’t worrying about your cares, your likes and dislikes. For Chrissakes, Kate, everyone is doing their best. Fuck, if I’d known you’d get so upset over these plans—”
    She didn’t want to hear any more. “Randy, let me think about all this and call you in the morning, okay?” She knew she was about to say something she surely would regret.
    “No, dammit. Don’t you think you’re being a little selfish?”
    Yes. I’m being selfish about what kind of life I want to lead. “I need to mull things over a bit more and get them in a state where I can communicate to you more clearly. I don’t want to say anything that would hurt your feelings,” she continued. Although she knew no matter what she said the next time they talked, the damage had already been done. He was already hurt.
    “And you think I can just sit on my hands and wait until you have the whim to call me and tell me you’re in a better mood? God, how selfish, Kate. How inconsiderate. How ridiculous. Everyone has been working so hard for you. Waiting on you hand and foot. You’re not even grateful—”
    “Randy, stop.”
    “No, I fuckin’ won’t stop. You’ve got to get hold of yourself and buck up. I’m dealing with a lot here. We have a lot going on at the winery, and this big fuckin’ wedding is happening right at season’s peak. We’re all making sacrifices. Going to cost us a fortune in lost revenue, put us behind in some things, but we’re doing this for you. For us.”
    “Randy, don’t go into that right now. I appreciate everything you and your family are doing—”
    “And your family, Kate. Your mom has been spending money she frankly doesn’t have on this wedding. Kind of inconsiderate of you, if you ask me. Of course, you haven’t—”
    “Randy, I’m calling it off.”
    There. She’d said it. That got him to stop talking as he sputtered on the other end of the phone, backpedaled, and then got syrupy sweet. Kate could feel the icy steel of his anger brewing. She realized then that he’d always had an edge to him that forced her to be and act and do certain things the way he wanted her to do them, that he liked to exert some subtle control over her, like he was the teacher and she was the student. But she didn’t want to be a student. She wanted to be an equal partner. She now knew Randy would never allow her that.
    “If you could just give me a day or two to think things over, perhaps you’re right, Randy. I just need some time.”
    “No.” It was his turn to say it. “No, absolutely not. You have to decide today, right now, what it is you want. You have to make a choice, Kate. A lot is riding on this.”
    Like what? What is more important than doing the right thing for my soul? It was becoming very clear that Randy’s vision of their relationship and her own were totally opposite. He was demonstrating he didn’t care a bit for hers. And she knew as sure as she was alive that she didn’t want to have anything to do with his.
    The silence on the phone didn’t bother her, because she knew what she was going to say.
    “Then it’s no, Randy. Today, I am not ready to marry you. And I certainly understand that if I change my mind, you might not be there for me any longer. I say it with a full heart. I love you. I really do. But I can’t marry you.”
    She should have felt horrible, but she didn’t. Kate felt the blood pulsing in her veins, greeting a life of her own choosing. She’d just