Free Licentious by Jen Cousineau

eleven at night. I embrace the genuine smile I feel creeping on my face.
    “What?” Aedan asks as he softly bumps his shoulder against mine.
    “I remember when Dad made us move the alarm clock across the room because we always kept hitting the snooze or turning it off. God, we were always late for school .” I laugh sadly at the memory.
    “Yeah. He made me do the same thing. Until I walked over half asleep and ripped it right out of the wall .” He laughs. “I woke up to a bucket of cold water that day.”
    Our laughter dies down, and I rest my head on his shoulder.
    “You wanna jam?” he asks with the sound of hope filling his voice.
    “Nah,” I whisper. “I think I’m going to take a break from it for a while,” I tell him as my eyes stare into space.
    “You’re too good to give up, Jo. Don’t—”
    “Aedan, please… don’t.”
    “How are you feeling?”
    “Sore.” I shrug.
    “Yeah. That’ll take some time,” he responds quietly.
    “Thanks, captain obvious.” I smile. “So… no work tonight?” I ask again.
    “Yeah, guess not,” he shrugs. Irritation laces his words.
    “What?” I ask as my hand clasps his arm.
    “It’s nothing,” he says angrily.
    “I call bullshit.” I deadpan. “What aren’t you telling me?”
    “I’m not allowed to help on the case. They, uh… caught me earlier looking through old reports,” he pauses, swallowing audibly.
    “Okay…?”
    “I’m on paid administrative leave. Captain doesn’t think I can follow orders and steer clear or some shit,” he snarls.
    “Wait,” I grip his arm a bit tighter, “I’m confused. They said they knew you , so somehow, this was to send you a message. Why wouldn’t they let you help?”
    “It’s all about the fucking tape,” he growls as he rubs his left hand down over his face.
    “Tape? They recorded it?” I shriek.
    I can feel Aedan’s shoulder begin to shake with what I can only assume is silent laughter.
    “Ugh! I’m serious Aedan! It’s not funny!” I swat his arm as I scold him.
    “I’m sorry .” He chuckles. “I’m sorry,” he says quietly, shaking his head slightly back and forth. “You’re right, it’s not funny. The idea that they could’ve royally pisses me off,” he spits. “The PD has their own regulations in events like this. Being I’m a family member, I’m obligated to share whatever I can that will help them build a case and discover leads, but I’m not allowed to be actively involved. Basically, they interview me, and contact me with questions anytime they have them, but I can’t help,” he says as if he’s reading it right from a rule book. “I can’t help,” he whispers, his voice cracking. He leans forward, causing me to lose my headrest, and then I hear him trying to muffle his cries. The bed slightly shakes from his sobs. “I can’t help,” he mumbles again.
    My heart breaks seeing how torn he is about this. Those monsters stole my sister from us. They killed me. I may be here, but inside, I feel like I’m dead. But now… now they’re hurting my brother. Tears fill my eyes as another piece of me quietly dies inside of me. My big, strong, outgoing brother is breaking down in front of me for the first time since I can ever remember.
    “Aedan,” I whisper as I slightly lean forward trying to wrap my arms around him. The pain causes me to wince and hold my breath. I sit back and softly rub my hand over his back in a back and forth motion. “It’s okay, Aedan. You tried.”
    “I-I went through… everything I could think of. I searched their names, nothing,” he whispers defeated. “Nothing came up with those names, not even Vincent or Anthony. That’s when the captain came in, and I couldn’t go any further.” He shakes his head before dropping it to his chest and allows the cries to consume him. “Joey,” he whimpers, “I’m… I’m so so-sorry.”
    “Aedan, it’s not your fault!” I nearly shout at him. I’m pissed that anyone has made him