Free Being Zolt by D. L. Raver Page A

entirely selfish place.” I lifted my head, gazing into Zolt’s eyes, needing the reassurance I knew I’d find there.
    “How so? How is not wanting to see his message selfish?”
    “Because I’m happy. For the first time since Chris’s death, I’m happy. I want to hold on to this feeling, and I know as soon as I watch his message, it will be gone. My contentment will be replaced with guilt. Kenna should be my one and only concern.”
    “Irelyn,” Zolt said soothingly as he stroked my cheek with his finger. “I understand what you’re saying because I’m right there with you. But we deserve this. Kenna will be saved, I promise. While it’s taking far longer than any of us wants, we will recover her. When we do, we’ll be here to help her deal with what happened. Just like I’ll be here with you today when you see Chris’s message. The selfish thing would be to ignore the video because you’re afraid. That’s not you, Irelyn. You’re one of the bravest, most caring people I know.”
    Zolt kissed me sweetly, and I fell even more in love with him.
    Brody came into the kitchen, pulling us from our moment.
    “Geez, you two. Take it behind closed doors,” he complained as he poured himself a cup of coffee.
    “Fuck off, Brody,” Zolt retorted.
    I had to laugh at their interaction. It reminded me of the kind of relationship that Cory and Chris used to have. Somehow, within that memory, I found the strength I needed to hear Chris’s voice one last time.
    I sat behind Zolt’s desk in his office, staring at the open laptop in front of me. Zolt and Brody flanked me, lending me their support. With a deep breath, I typed in the recovered password and waited for the laptop to boot.
    After a minute, Chris’s desktop came into view, making me suck in a breath. I’d forgotten he had a picture of Rachel, Cory, me and him, taken when we went to Vegas for my twenty-first birthday. We had a blast that weekend, and the bittersweet memories put another ding in my already-battered heart.
    “You’re doing great, Irelyn. Just great,” Brody encouraged.
    “I’m right here. Squeeze my hand as hard as you must.” Zolt brought our joined hands to his lips and kissed mine.
    When I stared at our hands, I was shocked to see just how tight a hold I had on his. Smiling weakly, I dropped it and steeled myself for the inevitable. The best course of action would be to get it over with; rip off the proverbial bandage so I could deal with the wound underneath.
    With a shaking hand, I navigated to where T said the video diary lived. Just as he said, it was hidden in a file named OU812, a reference to our favorite Van Halen CD. It still amazed me that he and his men had found it, but that was what made T-bone the best.
    Pointing the cursor over the entry named For Irelyn, I right-clicked on the file and was prompted for a password. My eyes darted to Zolt’s before I typed it in. I needed to find the strength to do this, but right now, all I wanted to do was crawl under the bed and hide.
    “You can do this, Irelyn,” Zolt reassured.
    I shook my head, wondering if I’d turned yellow because I sure felt like a coward. Seeing Chris and hearing his voice would open old wounds. Though I’d managed to keep myself from falling completely apart after Marcus’s visual and physical torture, I wasn’t sure I could stay in control once I saw the video of my brother.
    Zolt turned my face from the laptop, forcing me to look at him. “Do you want me to open the file, Irelyn?”
    I wanted to say “No, I can do it,” but I couldn’t find the words. They had exited stage left along with my resolve, so I nodded and let Zolt take over.
    A few seconds later, my brother’s beautiful face appeared on the screen. I dug my nails into my leg and begged my tears to stay away, but they coursed mercilessly down my cheeks anyway.
    Zolt glanced at me and paused the program. Without words, he caught Brody’s gaze. His brother stood, squeezed my shoulder