Free The Perfect Emotion by Melissa Rolka

needed to deal with.  God and did he do exactly that…
    His hand then moved to my backside and slowly slipped under my underwear. His voice became stern and he said, “Katherine, spread your legs a little.” It sounded sexy as hell with the slightest command in his tone.
    For some reason I found myself anxious or maybe it was excitement. Easily, I did as I was told. His long fingers began to move to the front of me still under my underwear. He gently and unhurriedly descended down to my core. Once he realized that I was wet with excitement a low growl sound and a curse released from him. Part of me felt that I should be embarrassed, but I wasn’t. I didn’t care about anything, but getting lost and relieved from Kyle, and even my mom. His fingers were soft and tender as they stroked hitting nerves I never knew existed. I felt a hot flush building throughout my body and he moved his thumb up in a circular motion around the most sensitive area on body. He kissed my neck and shoulder gingerly. His tongue flicked lightly up my neck to a spot behind my ear. It didn’t take long until I was practically begging for the release my body had worked up towards. With another light stroke and flick of his tongue all of my tension was released into waves of pleasure. Then my body went limp.
    We are just about to get to the walkway of my dorm and I swallow with little shame for remembering that night last semester. An ache builds up in me and lands right in my heart. The lump I feel in my throat is getting harder and harder to swallow past. I don’t know how to end this night. I’m nervous about saying goodbye and even more nervous if I don’t say it. My mind drifts to the words from my therapist. He has encouraged me to only talk to Reed if I’m ready to face everything, which would mean telling him exactly how I used him. My therapist feels that if I don’t address this with Reed head on I will fall back into my old habits of pushing any difficulties I have to the back of my mind. He fears that I’ll find any way to distract myself from dealing with the issues that need to be dealt with. 
    We both step off to the side as we reach the outside lit up entrance to my building.  I keep my hands in my pockets and my head down.  A part of me would love to wrap myself around him and press my head into his chest.  The thought of him wrapping me in his arms and kissing the top of my head is so tempting. 
    “You look beautiful.” He says as he bends his head to try to look at my eyes.
    I don’t respond, but I look up at him. His eyes are deep blue with the moon shining behind him. He runs his hands through his hair and steps a little closer.
    “What were you thinking about?” He asks me and I’m grateful that my cheeks are probably already red from the cool air. I blink and turn my head to the side.
    “Nothing.”
    “I know that’s not true.” He pauses. “I was remembering last semester when I came back here.” His boldness shocks me for a moment, but then I look at him and he winks. We stand quietly for a moment before he continues. “Please Kate, talk to me.”
    “I can’t. I’m sorry,” I say at barely a whisper.
    “Why?” I start to turn to head to the doors, but he moves in front of me. “Why? Just tell me that at least.” His tone is soft and gentle. My heart and pulse are racing and I don’t know if I can take this pressure anymore.
    “Because I just can’t.  Don’t you get it?”  My tone is more curt than I’d like it to be.  I’m almost frantic to avoid this conversation. 
    “No, I don’t get it.  Tell me.  Tell me anything.  Tell me something.”  His voice and tone are still calm, but I’m getting more worked up.
    “I used you! There that’s why.” I turn my back on him and press my eyes closed together. Here’s the moment when I tell him everything. I don’t know that this is the exact moment my therapist had in mind, but he encouraged me to tell him exactly what happened in