Free The 1-2-3 Magic Workbook for Christian Parents: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 by Thomas W. Phelan, Chris Webb

research tells us that
    physical discipline like this tends to generate anxiety in children, lower
    their self-esteem and make the kids more likely to become aggressive
    themselves. Generally speaking, though, adults who spank do not care
    one bit about research. I have on occasion talked till I’m blue in the face
    with parents like these, and, sadly enough, changing their opinions and
    their discipline habits is often a lost cause.
    Remember, the whole point of the 1-2-3 program is to avoid the
    Talk-Persuade-Argue-Yell-Hit routine.
    19. Why three counts? Children should respond the first time
    you ask! Why give the kids three chances to misbehave?
    1-2-3 Magic is an interesting phenomenon. Some people think counting is
    too dictatorial, while others see counting as a sign of parental weakness.
    The reason for three counts is simple: you want to give the kids two
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    chances—the first two counts—to shape up (unless what they did was so
    serious that it merited an automatic 3). How are children going to learn
    to do the right thing if they never get a chance? And with counting, the
    “chance” comes right away—in the first few seconds following the count.
    That immediate opportunity helps them learn.
    20. Shouldn’t the kids ever apologize?
    This is a tough question. If you’re currently asking the kids to apolo-
    gize, and that routine is working well, fine. Keep in mind, however, that
    many apologies are really exercises in hypocrisy. Requiring an apology is
    often simply part of the child’s punishment—not a learning experience
    involving sorrow or compassion.
    For example, your two sons have gotten into a fight. You break up
    the tussle, then demand that they apologize to one another. The older
    boy glares at the younger, and with a sneer on his face says, “I’m sorry.”
    His tone is forced, begrudging and sarcastic. Was this a real apology?
    Of course not. His comment was merely a continuation of the original
    battle, but on a verbal level. These two may be slugging it out again as
    soon as your back is turned.
    If you want to insist on apologies, make sure that you are not simply
    asking your children to lie.

    Have we taken care of all possible questions? Not quite. The most
    commonly asked question needs a whole chapter devoted to it: What do
    you do in public?

    7
    What to Do in Public
    The threat of public embarrassment is something
    that no parent takes lightly.
    We now must come to grips with the worst nightmare of every
    parent: what to do in public. No one wants to look like a child
    abuser in aisle 5, the candy aisle, of the local grocery store. And kids—even
    very young toddlers—seem to have radar that can sense psychological
    vulnerability in anxious parents.
    Once they have learned the mechanics of the 1-2-3, many parents
    worry about being out in public where there is no time-out room. Believe
    it or not, this problem can be solved without too much difficulty. That,
    my fellow parents, happens to be the good news. The bad news is that
    there is a worse problem lurking in the shadows, and deep in her heart
    every parent knows what that problem is.
    Your biggest problem is that your little ones can hold something
    over your head in public that they can’t hold over your head in private:
    the threat of public embarrassment. This fear of embarrassment and public
    disapproval has at times made even the most competent parents forget
    what they’re supposed to do, change their tactics and crumble. Try to
    remember this basic principle: The long-term welfare of your kids comes
    before short-term worries about what others are going to think.
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    Counting in Public

    Let’s imagine that you do have a five-year-old and that yes, in fact, aisle
    5 in the grocery store, the candy aisle, is one of your biggest problems.
    It seems as though every time you go down that aisle, your son asks for
    candy, you say no because all the candy bars are huge, and then the