Free Death of the Mad Hatter by Sarah Pepper Page B

that.”
    “You make candy?” I asked.
    “Who do you think created the recipe for the Drink Me juice?” he said, rhetorically.
    M.H. turned around and bent over so the grumpy woman could see the fiery hole in his pants. “I just need a patch for my bottoms. It wouldn’t take more than five—six-stitches—tops.”
    “ Then drop trou and hand them over,” Genevine said.
    “ And prance around half dressed? What will the girl think?” M.H. said and gestured to me.
    “ What girl? Does she have a boy’s name?” Genevine asked.
    How hadn’t she noticed me standing next to M.H? “I do not have a boy’s name,” I said when her gaze dropped to me.
    A discouraged expression showed on the woman ’s face, which she quickly covered up with a sneer. “Well, the girl must not be very bright if she’s hanging out with the likes of you.”
    “ Brightness is not a measure of brilliance, Genevine.”
    After an epic eye roll, she opened the door. M.H. wasn’t kidding when he mentioned that Genevine had a particular fondness for eight legged creatures, or that she wore a large ankle bracelet. It was quite literally a ball and chain. However, M.H. told me not to mention it, so I didn’t.
    While the exterior of her home was patched together, inside was a Fabric Snob’s dream home. Fabric, sewing materials, and thread cluttered the interior… as well as a horde of spiders.
    While Genevine went to work finding a fabric that matched M.H.’s slacks, I clung to his side. Creepy crawlies weren’t exactly my top choice when it came to animals. Most of the spiders sat on the outer edges of the windows and between the cracks in the walls. A few even held picket signs demanding better working conditions. One read: Sweeter sugar water for flippin’ Flies . The next read: More Fly Swatters . The last read: Sick of eatin’ flies. Better lunch plan!
    “ Why do you work with spiders, Genevine?” I asked.
    “ What are you saying, stupid girl? That we’re not good enough for you?” The spider who spoke threw down his sign. After stomping on it with one of his many feet, he crossed two sets of arms.
    “ I didn’t mean to offend anyone,” I said.
    “ Well, who would you recommend I work with, if not spiders?” Genevine gasped, as if no other creature could compare to the magnificence of her tiny helpers.
    I shrugged my shoulders. “A human?”
    “ All high and mighty is she,” a spider said, dangling from the ceiling by a purple colored string. “She should meet the queen. It would be interesting to see whose ego would be bigger. Hers or Hearts’.”
    “ Maybe a rabbit,” I said, ignoring the spider’s insult. They were my favorite animal when they weren’t munching in my garden.
    “ A rabbit!” The spider gasped, disgusted with my choice in help.
    “ Calm down!” Another spider said. It hung from the ceiling just above my head and held the end of a string-like leash that was tied to a pet-fly. A tiny purple ribbon was tied around the flying insect’s neck. It buzzed over the heads of many disapproving spiders. “She can choose whatever figurative helper makes her happy, even if it’s unconventional. Can’t you, little girl. What’s your name anyway? Certainly other humans had given you a proper name?”
    “ Alice Mae.”
    Each spider ’s hopeful expression immediately dropped into a discouraged frown at the mention of my name.
    “ My-oh-my have mercy! That’s a mouthful of a personal identification word,” M.H. said as if it was the very first time he’d considered my name at all. He giddily clapped his hands together like he’d just stumbled upon a marvelous realization. “Let’s call you Al! It’s the most perfect perfected perfectest nickname! Al for Alice Mae. And it uses the first letter in your first name and the last. Don’t you just love it?”
    Al? That was a boy ’s name! Ugh, I hated it! But since I had already infuriated a family of lizards, two birds, and offended many dozen spiders, I