Free Tantric Sex for Men: Making Love a Meditation by Diana Richardson Page A

encouraging example was this: less than twenty-four hours into the retreat a man raised his hand and complained, “It’s all very well for you to say, ‘Feel all the subtle pleasant inner sensations.’ You’ve been doing it for more than twenty years. I can feel absolutely nothing.” We assured him that he needed to give himself more time and that practice makes perfect. The week continued without any further comment from him, so on the final day we asked how he was feeling in his body. He looked at us, eyes and face radiant with love, and said just one word: “Unbelievable!”
    See the appendix for specific exercises to bring attention into your body.
    Relax and Breathe
    There is a tendency for us to tighten various muscles or clench muscle groups unconsciously, without really realizing it. Such tensions have become a habit and a way of life to the extent that as we are falling asleep, we may realize we are unconsciously holding ourselves up on the bed. We are not letting go and allowing even our place of comfort and repose to fully receive us. Physical tensions compress the energy system and restrict the expansion of vitality through the body. So it is enormously helpful to become aware of these tensions and release them, or breathe into them, while you are making love. Physical relaxation and conscious breathing will also reduce the pressure to ejaculate. (See the appendix for particular ways to scan the body and check for tension.)
    Eye Contact and Communication
    Generally speaking people make love in the dark, with closed eyes and without much meeting of the eyes. Although it might feel a little awkward in the beginning, connecting eye to eye immediately creates a feeling of intimacy and brings you in touch with the present. The eye contact is not a fixed stare, but an introverted, soft, receptive gaze that invites your partner into you. As you enter woman, or as you change positions, allow the eyes to meet and engage. And at the same time, feel how your genitals engage. Maintaining eye contact is not a rule but a suggestion, a tool to increase awareness and presence. Closing the eyes and taking awareness into your own body, in order to strengthen your inner connection and sensitivity, will also be necessary from time to time. It’s a good thing to tell your partner why you are closing your eyes, so the person doesn’t feel abandoned or excluded.
    To amplify the experience of the present moment, you will be surprised how much sharing what is happening to you on an inner body level—communicating out loud—helps to intensify the inner experience. Acknowledging your inner sensitivities and sensations verbally has the effect of intensifying them, and you’ll find your body unexpectedly rewarding you for having noticed the existence of its cellular subtleties and vitality. Only a few words are needed to convey what you feel within yourself on a body-heart-soul level, as if you are giving an inner weather report. Your partner does not have to respond directly, unless she wants to communicate what she feels within herself. These kinds of body reports are a great key to tracking your way to the present and can be done either before as a kind of foreplay or while actually making love. It will also eliminate any need for the clichéd, “Was it good for you?” because you will know during the process.
    Consideration of the Receptive Force
    As we now can appreciate, there is a distinct advantage to the female partner being in a state of receptivity in order to allow the male force through her. Like man, woman also needs the opportunity to enter her own body and become alive to her inner world. Since you know it will take longer for woman’s body to warm up, wait until your woman says she is ready to take you in. Wait for a “yes,” an invitation. Women tend to yield to pressure because they have not yet learned to trust and honor their feminine systems. They get messages from their bodies, but there is a tendency