Free Tantric Sex for Men: Making Love a Meditation by Diana Richardson Page B

for woman to override her inner wisdom; frequently she feels compelled to let man into her before she is truly ready. Part of woman’s sexual conditioning is to please man, usually because she is afraid of losing him or losing his love. When man is aware of the pleasing tendency of woman, he can begin to understand it as the female counterpart to the male pressure to perform.
    When you wait, create space, and support woman to relax into herself and connect with her internal world, she opens with ease and enthusiasm. Man creates the potential to be inside woman endlessly and tap her higher orgasmic energies. When a “yes” comes from woman in her totality, it is as if she’s plugged into a circuit from which she finds it difficult to disconnect. She is neither frigid nor rigid, but vital and receptive. For man to be a channel or conduit for his true male energy, the equal and opposite force must also be available, so man needs to be constantly aware of the receptacle that is receiving the flow of his life force.
    MOVEMENT
    There is a common misconception that tantra means no movement during sex. We heartily endorse movement, not for the sake of movement itself, but because it creates more aliveness and presence. Movements should also seek to enhance the correspondent dynamic-receptive potential of the genital contact. Stillness is an option, and something that you may develop an appreciation for over time, but initially most people usually enjoy alternating phases of movement with phases of stillness.
    Awareness and Tempo
    Any movement done consciously, which means you feel yourself as you do it, changes the quality of the experience dramatically. Done with awareness, all movements naturally become slower, and the body becomes more sensual and sensitive; you become totally engaged in the unfolding present. Be alert and aware as you approach each other, embrace, kiss, move, change position, move the penis within the vagina—be aware in whatever you do. There is a natural slowing down when any action is done with awareness. You are not slowing down to follow a rule, but instead discovering that when you are aware, you do in fact move more slowly. And you can feel more; your sensitivity increases. Slowness is an outcome, a by-product of being more conscious. Out of curiosity or for fun, you can ask yourself, “How slow is slow?” And get into an inquiry.
    Come together in an unhurried way, while staying in awareness. Remain alert, attentive, and conscious in the body. Let there be a flow; allow it to happen, rather than forcing or pushing it in certain directions. Allow an easy, innocent, playful, spontaneous unfolding without knowing what will happen next.
    Goal-oriented Movement Becomes Mechanical
    Movements that have the goal of building up to a climax will have an intrinsic pressure powering them, whereas movements that do not have a goal can arise fluidly from the requirements of bodies in the moment. There is nothing wrong with movement per se; movement is life, but at the same time we need to remain aware and steer clear of the tendency to be mechanical in the sex act. The usual movement of the penis in the vagina is forward and backward thrusts, a linear movement. But movements can also be made in a more expansive three-dimensional way, reaching into different angles of the vaginal canal (as described later, in chapter 8 within the context of sexual healing and male empowerment).
    Movements made with the intention of creating pleasure and excitement will tend to become mechanical, and when we become like machines, we lose awareness and sensitivity. With the focus on stimulation, our awareness of what is taking place in the body on a more subtle level tends to diminish. Our attention or focus is more on building up intensity, rather than on taking delight in each of the individual movements taking place.
    Usually, a woman will push her genitals forward (using her pelvis) at the very same moment the man thrusts or