Free Phoenix Rising (Book Two of The Icarus Trilogy) by Kevin Kauffmann Page A

to get impatient.  The older man had a purpose here.
    “Don’t get testy with me; you will have plenty to think about in just a short while.  Do you have any idea why your teammates would look at you like this?  Do you have any idea why some of them might not trust you anymore?”  Jenkins was starting to dislike the merchant.  Goldstein couldn’t just say something plainly; he had to poke and prod until his game was over.  Jenkins played along only so that he could know what the other soldier meant to say.
    “No, Goldstein, I don’t know why they don’t trust me anymore,” Jenkins said in a frustrated tone.  He really didn’t know and hadn’t thought about it, but it did explain their behavior.  They looked at him like he was a freak.
    “Well, Ryan, it’s because you committed suicide.”  Jenkins’ eyes widened at that.  He had absolutely no recollection of that event.  He would know if he tried to off himself.  It was a serious offense on Eris and could lead to “permanent retirement.”  He didn’t want to die; it didn’t make sense.
    “And did you even know that you were instrumental in Roberts’ overdose and that you were there for the entirety of that miserable life where Hawkins abused his pain receptors?  That you attacked the scientist and vowed to kill him?”  Jenkins didn’t know any of that, either.  He looked at the merchant and wondered what he was trying to do.  These things couldn’t have happened; Ryan would remember them.
    “Do you remember how you felt when you realized you were just the clone of a man who died back on Earth?  Do you remember how you realized that your entire existence was devoted to misery and you could end it?  Do you remember the instant when you realized that you would rather die than live one minute longer on this little asteroid fighting a war for the people’s amusement?”
    Jenkins looked at the merchant.  The middle-aged Crow had stopped smiling; Goldstein was looking at the younger soldier with genuine interest and compassion.  It seemed absurd, but Goldstein might have been telling the truth.  Jenkins did his best to remember any of these things but couldn’t.  There was nothing even close to it.
    They stared at each other for a moment.  Jenkins had no idea how long the moment lasted, but his mind was going a thousand kilometers per second.  While it seemed so impossible, there was a part in the back of his mind that knew it was familiar.  Goldstein unfolded his arms and stood up a little straighter against the opposite wall.  He looked at the floor and sighed.
    “No, I don’t suppose you would.  Hawkins has always been quite thorough.  That’s why the Commission trusts him so much.  He’s their very own, personal Doctor Frankenstein.  And you, Ryan, are the monster,” Goldstein said before pushing off the wall and closing the distance to the soldier sitting on the desk.  Jenkins was confused and Goldstein couldn’t blame him.  The merchant placed his hand on the young man’s shoulder and looked him in the eye.  Goldstein almost regretted letting him know the truth.
    “You’re a fake, Ryan.  The real Jenkins died when he ended his own life.  Hawkins brought back a twisted version and that’s you.  And the fun part is that Carver paid for it.  I suggest you have a chat with him,” he said before moving past the soldier and walking to the door.  He paused with his fingers on the handle and looked back at the soldier who was still reeling from shock.
    “You should thank the three of them, you know.  Without Jenkins, you would never exist, Carver paid for it and Hawkins created the miracle that is you.  Ain’t life grand?”  Goldstein felt guilty about it, but it had to be done.  There was no point in living in denial; he wished he could make everyone see that.  As he opened the door and started to leave he heard the soldier speaking behind him.
    “Why the fuck would you tell me that?”  Goldstein