Free Hawk by Abigail Graham

my wallet. Somebody had stuffed five hundred dollars cash inside. My eye was swollen shut, and every time I moved agony cut through my body. Sitting up was a monumental effort, standing a herculean struggle. I didn't know where I was, except that I was sharing a room with another man who sat up when I got to my feet.
    "You best lie back down," he said.
    "Where the hell am I?"
    "Lutheran mission. Ridge Avenue."
    "Where's that?"
    "Philadelphia. United States."
    "Right. Thanks."
    When I stumbled out of the room, I found myself in a narrow hallway. It turned out to be a low, bunker-like building attached to a church. I knew it was a classy place when I saw the churchyard was closed off with barbed wire. People asked me my name, where I came from. I didn't tell them. All I could think about was Alex. Half of me was screaming at the other half. I couldn't leave her alone, I couldn't abandon her and trust my father not to hurt her. The other half screamed louder- if I got back there they'd kick the shit out of me again, maybe kill me, and drop Alex's body on top of me.
    I knew my father was a shitheel, but nothing like this.
    Alex, Alex, Alex, my every thought was Alex. Every thought was sorrow, my grief sucking all the strength out of my legs. I spent more than a week laying on that bed, eating shitty soup and stale bread, going nowhere. I had some cash in my wallet and that was it, nothing else to my name, not even my truck. When I saw myself in the mirror, I realized I was a mess. The cut in my leg must not have been bad; it healed up okay even if I could tell it was going to scar ugly.
    I was still limping when I went into the Navy recruiter's office.
    They asked me what in the blue fuck happened to me and I told them the truth, mostly. Father was abusive, mother dead, no prospects. I took a test, aced it, was told where I'd be going and when. The Lutheran Mission kept me until it was time for me to board a bus.

Alexis

    Now

    Hawk is so calm, I can barely believe it. He says the last few sentences mechanically, and then it hits me. Part of him is telling me his story. The other part is someplace far away. I think I know where he is. Someplace warm where the cicadas are buzzing, the swimming pond is cool and the air is burning hot, someplace where people we lost are still here, bridges that fell still stand, and the world still turns in its proper place, a good where world where things like this don't happen to us.
    All at once I hate myself for being so harsh.
    Me. He did it for me.
    That's just an excuse, Alex. He abandoned you…
    Shut up! I snap at myself.
    I rub my arms as though I'm cold and sink back against a tree. My legs fold and I end up sitting on the ground. Before I know it, I choke on a sob and start crying harder, the tears hot on my cheeks. I wince as a rocket bursts overhead, a big one this time. It sends out smaller bombs that go pop, pop, pop and unleash a cascade of lights and streamers through the night. Hawk moves, his motion janky from a weird strobe effect that lights and darkens him as the fireworks burst in the air, and then he's sitting at my side.
    He puts his arm around me and I sink into his side and weep softly, not really sure why.
    "You left me," I whimper. "I needed you and you left me."
    "I know, Alex. I know."
    "You don't know," my voice is too loud, I need to stay quiet. "You don't know what they did."
    He tenses.
    "What did they do?"
    "I can't,"
    " Tell me, Alex. What did they do?"
    "I can't," I whimper, "I can't, Hawk. Please don't make me tell."
    He puts both arms around me and buries his face in my hear. "It's all right."
    "It's not all right. It's never going to be all right."
    One of the big rockets goes off and bathes the trees in light. I flinch against him and he tightens his arms around me as I bury my face in his chest and pull myself onto his lap. I'm still mad at him, but I can't stop myself. I turn sideways in his arms and lean against him, and he doesn't open his big mouth. He