Free How to Make Love to a Woman by Xaviera Hollander Page A

expected to talk about it. Your partner may style her comments about the film in a Siskel and Ebert fashion, but you must read the body language and the delivery and you will know. Reference the listing in tip #67 for books and films that will inspire conversation.
“Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.”
—Rodney Dangerfield
    Books are good, but reading is a much slower process. Another way to broach a kinky subject is to tell a story you make up about a friend, who once told you he did something very erotic with his girlfriend and then tell the story as you want your fantasy to go down. There’s more than one way to skin that cat. And in my opinion, if you don’t get to the point where you can talk about your fantasies, your sex life with this person will always be extremely limited.
    Today’s modern couples rely on their negotiating skills for almost all aspects of life, from purchasing a home to managing Grandma’s expectations on baby-sitting night, so sex between the partners shouldn’t be so different. Where sex should never be negotiable, kink should always be negotiable. A woman’s willingness or ability to engage in acts that she considers kinky is highly modulated by the heart clit—the safer the heart, the higher the chances that she will play at a variety of adventures; the less trust she has, the less likely she is going to engage in anything she considers kinky.
    Assuming you have made it very safe for her heart clit to allow her body clit to proceed, then negotiate for what you want. For example, if you are trying to get her to let you take erotic pictures, start out way down and off the mark with “getting a third in bed.” If you know she will absolutely not do the latter, then work your way backward to the photos by making it seem like you given up a lot. All’s fair in love, and war, and in the quest for mind-blowing sex.

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PRACTICE VERBAL BONDAGE

Practice verbal bondage—get your lover to give the commands, or you give the commands, but it can be very erotic to be told, “OK, put your hands here and keep them here,” or “don’t move,” or even “be still.” This is a great way to experience the fun of BDSM (bondage, domination/submission, sadism/masochism) with a new love and not have any risk of scaring her away with the paraphernalia of ropes and rigs.
    In the quest for “mind-blowing” sex, never underestimate the value of words. In fact, don’t underestimate the power of the voice. Voice is important. Words are important.
“It’s been so long since I’ve had sex, I’ve forgotten who ties up whom.”
—Joan Rivers
    If you are going to involve your partner in the kinkier side of sex, then part of making it safe for her to do so, part of soothing her heart clit, is to let her know that she can make up a “safe word” and whenever she says that word, the play will stop automatically.
    Most people today develop a code word to use when they are about to engage in something unusually or kinky. On the other hand, someone who has a lot of trust and faith in you might say, “No, I don’t have code words. I don’t believe in them.” And that’s because, for that person, half the fun is in knowing that there is no way out. She is having her brain clit tickled just by the thought that there is no way out and, therefore, the mere existence of a code word would spoil her fun.

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HAVE A SPANKING GOOD TIME

One of the theories about why people become masochists is that the corporal punishment they received as kids made them feel secure, secure in the bosom of the family. Getting spanked as an adult recalls that good feeling of safety as a child. My former lover refutes this by stating that she was never spanked as a child, yet she enjoyed the discipline game immensely.
    Frannie came from a highly respected family whom she loved very much, but ran away from home at a young age, worked as a hooker, and did all she could to upset them. My