Free Above the Noise by Michelle Kemper Brownlow Page A

sarcastic stab. I was speechless, and my panties were soaked. I sat up and continued to gawk.
    “Roll over, you cocky son of a bitch, you won.” He flashed that flawless smile that undid me a little further each time I saw it and lifted his shirt over his head then laid face down on my bed. I straddled him to rub his back. I knew just a few rolls of my hips and I’d come right there as I sat on his ass.
     

     
    I SMILED AT the memory, swiped my keycard, and walked into my room. It was dark and cold inside. My smile faded when I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror that took up most of the wall of the entry hallway. My face was sad, and my eyes held a confusion I wasn’t sure even I could pinpoint. I threw the bags I’d grabbed from the guys’ room onto the floor and kicked off my shoes. I bolted both locks on the door and walked across the cold tile of the bathroom. Another mirror. Dammit. I turned on the water and looked at my reflection staring back at me. I watched as the steam erased me completely.
    I stood motionless under the hot water. I wished the water that streamed down over me and left red hot trails, could erase the confusion in my heart as easily as the steam had erased my reflection. Part of me loved that Calon took on the knight in shining armor role, but a bigger part of me was pissed that he assumed I needed him to do that. I don’t need anyone. And I don’t ever want to feel like someone’s belonging. There was a big difference between belonging and being a belonging. I didn’t mind the former, but I despised the latter.
    I could hear my phone vibrate on the bathroom counter, but it wasn’t going to pull me from the state I was in. I’d never felt so into someone, but, at the same time, I felt so alone. I never expected I’d allow a relationship leave me feeling on edge and unsure. Maybe it was just me. I needed a good Gracie fix. I finished my shower at a quicker pace than I’d started it. I wrapped my hair in one puffy white towel and my body in another then grabbed my phone. There were thirteen missed calls, all from Calon. I dialed Gracie and jumped under the covers of the one lonely bed in my lonely room.
    “Becki? You okay?” Her voice was gravelly, and I realized what time it was.
    “Gracie, I’m so sorry. I had no idea it was after two o’clock. Go to sleep. I’ll call you in the morning.”
    “Becki, it’s okay. We were watching a movie, and I fell asleep on the couch. It’s a blow ‘em up, blood and guts one, anyway. I’d be happy to leave Jake and Sam to their testosterone fest.” I heard her whisper something, then it sounded like she jogged back to his bedroom. “Okay. I’m all ears. I’ve had a quick power nap, so I’m wide awake.”
    “So, tonight, Calon beat the shit out of Max, the lead singer of Smiling Turkeys, because he saw him make a move on me at a bar tonight.”
    “Oh, Becki, that had to be the hottest thing ever.” She made a Mmm sound under her breath.
    “It wasn’t. Well, it was. But I got pissed and left. Took a taxi alone back to the hotel and got myself my own room. I am livid. Like I can’t handle a lanky guy with wandering hands?” I leaned forward and rested my forehead on the duvet cover that draped across my bended knees.
    “Becki, stop. You realize where all this is coming from, right? You can see that, can’t you?”
    “I… huh? I don’t know what you mean. Do I? Should I?” My head pounded, and I was lost in the thought that I could be so unaware of what was going on inside me while Gracie could hit it right on the head.
    “Becki, think about it. Remember how Jesse was?” A set of deep brown eyes flashed into my mind, and I could almost hear his voice saying my name. Jesse was my high school boyfriend, and he was incredibly possessive. He beat up more than one guy just for looking at me for too long in the hallway. He sent Jonathan Terrence to the hospital after he went into a seizure during one of Jesse’s insane smack