Free Above the Noise by Michelle Kemper Brownlow Page B

downs. It disgusted me.
    “But, Gracie, Calon is nothing like Jesse. God, Jesse was sixteen. Calon’s twenty-two.” I rubbed my head and tried to focus.
    “You’re right. He doesn’t even compare to the man Calon is. But what happened tonight may have triggered your memories of Jesse, which in turn triggered a Jesse reaction. You’ve gotta let your guard down with Calon, Becki. You’ll destroy him if you don’t let him in. He’s super intuitive but also doesn’t believe he deserves good things, and, trust me, you are the goodest thing he knows.”
    “Goodest? Really, smart girl?” I laughed out loud and wiped what looked a lot like a tear from my cheekbone.
    “Just seeing if you’re paying attention. Becki, promise me that if you can’t bare your soul to Calon, you’ll let him go before he gets too tangled up in you. The guy can’t handle any more heartbreak in his life.”
    “Gracie Ann Jordan, don’t guilt me into staying with your second favorite guy just because you want him to be happy.”
    “Get real. Chicks before dicks. I’d never put his heart before yours. But, just be careful, you both deserve the big love I know you both have just under the surface.” She giggled, knowing what my reaction would be.
    “Gag.” I rubbed my eyes on the sheet and looked at the streaks of residual mascara I left behind. “So you think I overreacted.”
    “I do, Becki, but not because you chose to. It’s just something you’re gonna have to get through together. Calon’s reaction was based on his past, too. He’s had to protect the women in his life from some pretty nasty situations, and I am sure it was a gut reaction for him to want to kill someone who was overstepping what should’ve been a respectable, professional boundary.”
    “I get it. I just don’t know how to turn it off. I was really pissed.”
    “So, you’re not now?”
    “I’m not. Ugh. I’m such an idiot. I’m going to screw this boy up more than he already is if I’m not careful.”
    “Then be careful, Becki. There’s something big just around the corner for the two of you. I just know it. I can see it in yours and Calon’s eyes when you’re together. You just have some walls to scale, that’s all.”
    “Yeah.”
    “You good?”
    “I’m good. Now go finish your movie.” My voice was more upbeat after such a short conversation. It took Gracie five minutes to translate what would have taken me days. Thank God for Gracie… every girl should have one.
    “I’m not going back out there. I’m gonna strip and get under the covers and wait.” She was absolutely giddy over her seductive self.
    “Thatta girl! Love you, G.”
    “Love you right back, B. Now, call Calon!” She giggled and hung up.
    Shit. Now I had to straighten everything out with Calon. Dammit. I lay back on the pile of pillows I’d stacked behind me while I was talking to Gracie. My heart was racing, and my stomach felt like there were a thousand butterflies inside. I usually didn’t let guys do this to me. In fact, I’d never let any guy do to me what Calon had done.
    I guess after my dad left, my heart secured itself inside my chest and decided that’s where it would stay. I wouldn’t give it away again. So, Jesse and Shawn only got my surface. My relationships with each of them could have been considered long term but, as far as boyfriends go, they really were just convenient place holders until someone would steal my heart right out of my chest. That’s exactly what Calon had done. I just somehow always thought I’d have a say in it, but I didn’t.
    Calon was beautiful, inside and out. He wasn’t tainted by the pain he’d endured so far in his life, at least not as tainted as I’d been. He was kind and receptive and open to the love that was blooming between us. At least it seemed that way. Maybe he was as tormented by his feelings and scars as I was but was just better at swallowing all of it. I didn’t swallow well. That thought made me