Free I Was Here All Along by Penny Blake

then stop and run in place ahead of me.  “Come on, Ember.  We’re almost there.  Finish strong.”
     
    I hold up a hand to indicate that I need to stop for a minute, then lean over to catch my breath, wrapping an arm over my stomach and staring down at my sneakers.
     
    Drew saunters back to me and holds out his water bottle.  “Here.”
     
    “That’s okay…I still have some,” I say.
     
    “You alright?  You look like something’s wrong.”
     
    “I’m fine…Just a little pain in my heart, that’s all.”
     
     
     

Chapter 17
     
    Transformation
     
    I do something I’ve never done in my entire life.  I accrue a balance on my credit card that I won’t be able to pay off at the end of the month, something my fiscally responsible father drilled into me never, ever to do on penalty of crushing debt and eventual bankruptcy.
     
    But it’s worth the risk, because I just dropped the money on a bunch of lingerie to celebrate the fact that for the first time ever, I love the way I look naked. 
     
    I’m sure some women out there lose a bunch of weight and then fixate on something else they don’t like about themselves, but not me.  I’ve always despised being fat—it‘s the one thing I’ve always deeply and truly hated about myself.  And now that’s it’s gone, I finally feel free in a way I’ve never felt before.
     
    I could admire myself in the mirror for hours, and I do.  Hey, after all the years I’ve spent hating myself and all the suffering I’ve done at the gym for the past five months, I’m allowed to be a little vain.  Plus I can’t eat anything delicious anymore, so I might as well enjoy the upside.
     
    I expected my boobs to shrink, which they did.  But I still overflow a C cup, and my butt hasn’t gone anywhere either.  
     
    Since April has always been a skinny waif, I figured that when I lost weight, I’d look the same way. But it turns out we have totally different body types, and while the rest of me has shrunk down to a size 8 and all my unacceptable bulges are smaller and sleeker, I still have curves, and I imagine I still will when I shed another two sizes and reach my final goal.
     
    In the meantime, I buy sexy lingerie for the first time.  A lot of it, even if it’s not going to fit for much longer.  I simply can’t resist.  I pick out a lacy red bra and panty set, a delicate pink bra and thong and several slip nighties in various colors. They’re nothing like the nighties Brian used to buy me.  They’re completely sheer and leave nothing to the imagination.  But my piece de resistance is a black bra and thong set with a matching garter belt, which looks like something a gorgeous celebrity would wear in a movie.  I have no idea who will end up being my first fling after Brian, but he’s a lucky man with a lot of boners in his future.
     
    And I’m ready for him.  Beyond ready.  I haven’t had sex forever, and even though my sessions with Rio have left me constantly hot and bothered, I can’t get any relief. 
     
    Lately I’ve been exaggerating my stretches, lunges and forward bends to show off my new figure during our sessions, but he’s completely tuned me out. The other day I was putting my butt in the air provocatively while stretching my calves, and when I looked over to see if he was sneaking a peek, he was sniffing his armpit. 
     
    ***
     
    Rio and I are on the mat working on planks when the gym manager comes over.  He knows me well since I’m a regular fixture here, though he started paying a lot more attention to me once I dropped below a size ten. 
     
    “Looking good, Ember!” he says.  “Hey, I have something to ask you.  Can we put a before and after shot of you on the Total Impact website?”
     
    I come up from my plank and wipe my forehead with a gym towel.  “Sorry but I’d rather not.  I’m kind of shy about having my picture plastered all over the place.”
     
    “Aw, but it’ll be such good motivation for