Free The Life Beyond by Susanne Winnacker

anything we can do?” I asked.
    He shook his head.
    I looked over at Rachel. Tyler was stroking her head and her eyes were focused on him but I wasn’t sure if she was actually seeing him. His lips were moving and I caught the tune of a lullaby. In the distance, the first whisps of light turned the sky grey. A few crickets began their song. I couldn’t stand the peace. I wanted to tear the stars down and kick the moon from the sky. How could they look just the same when down here everything was falling apart?
    Rachel looked up at me as I sank down beside Joshua. I smiled and the muscles in my face quivered from the effort. The moment her eyelids drooped, I allowed myself to relax against Joshua, my head resting on his shoulder. My fingers found his and I ran my thumb over the scar on his palm.
    Minutes trickled by as I listened to the shrubs rustling in the wind.
    A dry rasping.
    Rachel’s eyes were wide and her lips parted. Her jaw seemed paralyzed. She tried to move her mouth – nothing. Her throat flexed and her arms flailed when she was unable to swallow. We rushed to her side and I started massaging her throat. Panic flashed in her eyes and gurgling noises came from deep in her body. Tyler lifted her until she was in a sitting position but she still couldn’t swallow nor move her lips. Saliva slid out of the corners of her mouth, the consistency like mucus.
    Tyler murmured words of reassurance, though the quiver in his voice made them hard to understand.
    Rachel’s back arched and a new wave of gurgled coughs sputtered out.
    “We have to do something! She’s choking to death,” I said.
    Joshua looked away, his jaw tightening.
    Noises came from Rachel’s mouth. We all moved closer to catch her words and when I did, iciness clawed at my insides.
    ‘Kill me.’
    Her fingers tore at Tyler’s shirt and her eyes were pleading.
    “Joshua,” Tyler said it with so much despair that more tears sprang into my eyes.
    “No.” Joshua stood and took a step back. “I can’t.”
    “Please, she wants it.”
    Tyler’s face crumpled and he reached for his own gun. Rachel relaxed and relief flashed in her eyes.
    “Kill me, please,” she rasped.
    Tyler bent over Rachel and brushed a kiss across her forehead, whispering words I didn’t hear. Slowly he straightened and pointed the gun at her, his hand shaking. I closed my eyes and braced myself but the shot didn’t come. I looked at Tyler. His arms shook and slowly he lowered the gun. He dropped his gaze to the ground and started crying. “I’m so sorry. I can’t do it.”
    Any hint of hope disappeared from Rachel’s face. “I understand,” she whispered. Inch by inch, she lifted her arm from the ground. Her fingers moved, making grasping motions. “Give me the gun.”
    Tyler hesitated, then handed it to her. Their fingers lingered against each other for a moment. Her hand slumped to the ground, but she didn’t release the pistol. It was clutched in her fingers as though it was her anchor. Another fit of wet coughing shook Rachel’s body. Blood started to trickle out of her nose. Tyler let out a sob and took a step back. With great difficulty, Rachel raised her arm with the gun. She closed her eyes and wrapped her hand around the cross pendant on her chest. Her lips moved in prayer.
    Part of me wanted to stop her. To beg her to wait for us; to see if there really was a cure. But how could I tell her to keep suffering? It wasn’t my choice to make.
    I crawled nearer to Rachel, with Joshua close behind me. I took Rachel’s hand. “I’m so sorry that we weren’t fast enough.”
    “It’s not your fault. It’s the government,” she whispered.
    “We’ll find the bastards that did this to you. We’ll make them pay, Rachel. I promise,” I said. I felt something harden inside me – tight and angry,
    She swallowed slowly, her breath rattling in her chest. Her knuckles turned white as she cradled the gun. “I … I must do it now. Before it’s too