Free The Intelligent Negotiator by Charles Craver

whichever style they use, recognize that uncivilized conduct undermines the bargaining process. So try to maintain a courteous demeanor. When you encounter rude or nasty behavior, remember that such conduct is a substitute for bargaining proficiency. It is usually employed by less capable negotiators. Never emulate inappropriate behavior. By maintaining a professional approach, you will embarrass rude adversaries and enhance the likelihood of obtaining what you seek. It is always easier to gain concessions from people you are treating well than from individuals you are insulting. Furthermore, if your politeness embarrasses your overly aggressive opponents, they may even make unplanned concessions to assuage their guilty consciences.
When Felicia is ushered into the vice president’s office, he greets her warmly and introduces himself as Richie Solomon, making it clear that he expects to be called “Richie.” He indicates how pleased Andersen is to offer Felicia the network manager position, and notes her excellent qualifications. He says that he is certain they can agree upon mutually beneficial employment terms. Solomon immediately puts Felicia at ease and induces her to think that everything will be fine.
    A TTITUDINAL B ARGAINING
    When your subtle behavior fails to disarm your overtly competitive or even abrasive counterparts, address the problem more directly through attitudinal bargaining. Begin by indicating your unwillingness to view the bargaining process as a competitive, win-lose endeavor and suggesting your desire to establish some preliminary ground rules. If you are seeking to enter into a new business relationship, you can say that you are looking for a mutually beneficial partnership and have no plans to do business with someone who treats you disrespectfully. If you are trying to negotiate with a family member or close friend, you can just ask the other person why he or she has begun the talk in such an inappropriate fashion. Is he or she angry about something you may have done, or upset about something else? If you can disclose and deflect the underlying problem, you can create a more positive negotiating atmosphere.
    I remember a discussion with the General Counsel of a large insurance company who told me how amazed he is by the number of claimant lawyers who begin their discussions over large claims with insulting behavior. He simply informs such attorneys that he is the person who decides whether they get any money. He then indicates that if their inappropriate conduct continues, he will not negotiate with them. This attitudinal bargaining usually has therequisite impact, as claimant lawyers who wish to obtain generous settlement terms moderate their behavior.
    When you obtain advance intelligence from others indicating that particular counterparts are likely to approach bargaining interactions in an adversarial and even abrasive manner, prepare to counteract this anticipated behavior. If the discussions will take place in your home or office, provide a hospitable negotiating environment and a warm welcome when the talks begin. Although you should be careful not to disclose too much critical information without receiving reciprocal cooperation, your overtly cooperative conduct may induce some competitive negotiators to moderate their behavior. If your preliminary cooperative overtures are not matched, proceed with caution.
Because of the pleasant way in which Vice President Solomon has begun his discussions with Felicia, she is confident they will have a cooperative and productive interaction. When Solomon takes a seat next to her, instead of returning to the large chair behind his desk, she feels more comfortable. He clearly wants to deal with her on an equal, rather than on a superior-subordinate basis.
    Dealing with Obstreperous Counterparts
    You may encounter adversarial counterparts whose tactics cannot be moderated through attitudinal bargaining. When this happens, attempt to control the