Free Leaving Yesterday by Kathryn Cushman Page B

to be a weak female. I wanted to be his strong mother who was here for him and would support him no matter what happened. His hair was closely shorn, his face a bit pale, his body painfully thin. The last four years of hard living made him look older than his twenty-one years, but I had no doubt that he would reclaim his former charm after continuing with a sober life. I intended to do all I could to assist him with that.
    “Well, look who we have here.” Rick’s voice was firm but not unfriendly. He stuck out his hand and Kurt shook it. It was beyond me how men could shake hands at a time like this, even if they were only a step away from estranged. “Good to see you, Kurt.”
    Kurt nodded. “Good to see you, too, Dad.” I wondered if they were both remembering the last time they were together. If Kurt was picturing the hard set of his father’s face as he heard he was no longer welcome in this house. If Rick was picturing the pain that dulled Kurt’s eyes in spite of the defiant expression. If either remembered Kurt’s final words that I sometimes still heard during the darkest of my dreams: “I’d rather die than ever come back here.”
    The scene was still so real and vivid to me, it could make me physically ill if I thought about it for too long. After today, I planned to write it off as simply a bad dream that never really happened. My reality was starting right here, in this very moment.
    “Where’s Short Stuff?” Kurt looked toward the house as if expecting Caroline to come running out at any moment.
    “She’s at softball practice. Her friend Jenny’s dad will drop her off at the house in about twenty minutes.” I didn’t tell him how Caroline had cried when she found out she wouldn’t be here to greet him. I also didn’t tell him that Rick had insisted Caroline not be here in the beginning, until we “check this whole thing out.”
    Kurt’s eyes looked tired, empty almost, as if the spirit had been sucked right out of him. An uneasy sensation gnawed at me as we turned toward the house. What if he turned and ran? Well, I would not let that happen. As we walked through the front door, I linked my arms through his and squeezed tight. I planned to clamp down for dear life if he tried to so much as slow down. It was hard enough to know that he would be leaving here in a few hours to go live with my sister. Only the knowledge that she loved him almost as much as I did made that fact bearable.
    Kurt took a step inside the door, then stopped. He looked all around as if seeing his childhood home for the first time, nodded occasionally, and took a few deep breaths. “I’d forgotten how much I missed this place.”
    I started to say something along the lines of “It hasn’t been the same without you,” but I didn’t want to say anything that he might take as an accusation. Instead, I said the only thing I could think of. “Let’s sit in the living room for a little while. I’ll bring in some chips and guacamole, and we can spend a few minutes relaxing before dinner.”
    I heard the sound of a car in the driveway and realized Caroline must have finished practice a little early today. She would be thrilled about that since it would mean more time with Kurt. I walked to the front door and opened it, preparing to call out a thanks to Jenny’s father and an offer to pick the girls up from practice next week. Only that’s not what happened.
    When I saw the black car sitting in my driveway, I gagged on my revulsion. I looked at Rick, who sat in the living room with his son, not one trace of guilt on his face. How could he do that? I knew very well he had set this up. This was why he insisted Caroline go to softball practice. He didn’t want her to be here when the police arrived to question her brother.
    “Who’s here?” Kurt asked.
    I turned my gaze from Rick to Kurt, trying to keep my voice and expression calm, although I was nothing even close to it. “It’s a detective. He’s been wanting to