cloud. Despite everything? I thought everything was great except for that small, little hiccup, but apparently, she thinks differently. “We have a lot in common, and you made me laugh more than anyone has in a really long time. I’d really like it if we could be friends.”
With an incredulous laugh, I feel my shoulders fall. “No, Andi. I don’t think we can be friends. In fact, I don’t want to be just your friend. Even after just one night, I know being your friend would never be enough— despite everything, after everything. You’ve said that twice now, and I know it’s always going to be some weird elephant in the room if we continue to be friends. And it seems as if I’ll always be the guy who ruined your first time. Forgive me if I don’t want to stick around and watch someone else give you what I couldn’t.”
“Come on. I didn’t mean it like that. Don’t you think you’re being a little too dramatic? It was one night, Cohen. It doesn’t have to be like this,” she protests, but I stop her.
She’s probably right, but between the beer and the guy staring after her, I just don’t have it in me to agree to be friends with a girl I know I’ll always be wanting from the sidelines. I have enough to focus on with school without worrying about being in the friend zone.
“He’s waiting on you. I guess you’ve moved on. I might as well do the same.” Leaning down, I give her a quick kiss on the cheek. “Hey, at least you’ll always remember your first time. Even though it seems like all you want do is forget it. I should probably be wishing for you to forget, but then that means you’d forget me. And I might not have been the best lay, but I made you feel good. I know I did. Apparently, we’ll have different memories of that night. While you remember me as the one-pump, I’ll remember the pretty girl with a personality as fiery as her hair. Maybe one of these days you’ll wake up and realize that night wasn’t such a disaster after all. Until then, Ruby.”
I’m about to turn away when she says my name. “Wait. Cohen. What were you doing at the party tonight anyway? I thought they weren’t your thing.”
Her eyes are boring into mine, questioning, and I’m not sure what she’s looking for. I give a little laugh and shrug my shoulders. “They’re not. But after three weeks, I didn’t know where else to look. I was hoping I’d see you. I guess I should’ve wished for better circumstances. And you know, I’d ask you the same thing, but I think you’d have a different answer, so I’ll refrain. I’m not sure I want to hear it. Take care, Ruby.”
Before she can respond, I turn around and walk away from her, feeling like an asshole and a chump as I wonder if I’m making the biggest mistake of my life.
WHAT THE hell just happened? Cohen’s walking away from me, and I’m stock-still, unable to formulate any words. I want to call after him. To tell him that he’s wrong. He wasn’t a disappointment. Okay, so maybe the whole losing-my-virginity thing was, but the rest of the night? Disappointment doesn’t even come close. I was more embarrassed for myself than for him. I mean, what kind of girl was I to just lose my virginity to the first interesting guy I met in college? Maybe I could have handled it better, but I was pretty mortified after the whole thing, and figured he would be, too.
When I woke up the next morning and saw him next to me, I wanted nothing more than to pretend that it hadn’t happened. That I hadn’t grabbed that flask. I wished beyond all hope that we could just go back to being two kids talking about our favorite bands, but I knew we couldn’t. And with Cohen’s promise of a next time, I freaked and slipped out before he could wake up. I didn’t think he’d care. Most guys want that, right? No complications the next morning. A quick and easy departure.
Apparently, I’m an idiot, though, and should’ve realized that Cohen wasn’t like