most guys. Even though I think he’s being a little over-the-top, I realize that that night must have really meant something to him, and I start to feel like a jerk for avoiding him all this time and for sneaking out. Despite what happened, the rest of the night had been perfect, and I shouldn’t have let one mishap ruin it all.
Even though I can hear Teddy calling my name, I’m stuck in my spot at I watch Cohen’s figure retreat until he’s out of sight. I want to follow him, to tell him he’s wrong and that, if he wants, we can have a do-over. Instead, I find myself unable to move. He seemed so sure of what I thought even though it couldn’t be further from the truth. I remember his words from that night. His sweet, gentle, caring words as his questioning eyes looked down into mine.
“ Are you sure, Ruby? I don’t want you to regret me in the morning.”
As I try to recall exactly what he said, I suddenly feel like an asshole. A huge asshole. He tried to give me an out, but I told him no, that I wouldn’t regret it. And in the end, I snuck out of his room and did what I thought was the walk of shame. He probably does think I regret that night, and I can’t blame him. I didn’t give him any other indication. In fact, I’ve seen him around on campus, but every time, I’ve been a coward and turned the other way, unsure of what to say to him. Not because of what happened or any fault of his, but because of my own embarrassment. As much as Reese tried to make it sound nonchalant, losing my virginity had been a bigger deal than I’d thought, and seeing Cohen around had both butterflies swarming in my stomach and heart palpitations attacking me at full force. It’s been a whirlwind of emotions, and avoiding him just seemed easier. Until tonight.
I’ve been hiding out in my dorm room since that first weekend, and Reese finally got tired of me moping around—even though she had no idea why I had been. She’d questioned me about the party, but she’d been too drunk to notice when I’d left, and since she’d stayed at Cy’s, she had no idea that I hadn’t slept in our dorm.
I’d been going to class and venturing off campus, but that’s about it. I rarely went to the quad after the first time I saw Cohen there. Fortunately, he didn’t see me and I was able to sneak out. After that, I avoided the place like the plague, and when I think back on it, I cringe, knowing that he was right. I have been acting differently. As if he were an embarrassment. But it isn’t him I am embarrassed about. It’s me.
It wasn’t until a few days ago when I was in the back corner of an off-campus records store that I saw him up close and personal again. I’d been looking through the soundtracks when I heard the door chime and just happened to look up to see the new arrival. His messy, blond hair was sticking out of a baseball cap, and I could only see his profile as he talked to some guy he was with. I crouched down when I saw him turn towards me, and I watched as his eyes were scanning the room. I knew he was looking for me. Or, at least, I hoped he was. That hope was quickly replaced by panic, and I froze, not knowing what I would say to him.
Like a coward, I continued to hide until disappointment etched his face and he left without even browsing through a single record. My racing heart started to calm down, but not before I chastised myself for acting like an idiot. I’ve never been shy around guys, and I wasn’t sure why I was acting that way with him.
Sighing, I clutched the special edition Lion King album to my chest, waiting a few minutes to make sure he was really gone. When I felt like the coast was clear, I bought the album, secretly hoping that, one day, we’d cross paths again and I wouldn’t act like a twelve-year-old girl around her first crush. Whoever said things got easier after high school was definitely lying. Why I didn’t grow a pair of balls and seek him out, I don’t know. Explaining the