Free End Game by Tabatha Wenzel

Forgiveness isn’t
something my mother ever knew anything about. She would and could
hold a grudge, forever. She held a grudge against me for just being
born. I can’t force someone to love me if they don’t want to love
me.
    “What the hell is your list?”
    “Zane, why don’t you come sit down with me on
my break so I can explain it all to you.”
    Zane follows me to an open table, we sit
down, and I explain the list and me going to a therapist.
    “So, you’re telling me your therapist is okay
with all of these things on your list?”
    “She doesn’t really get a say on what is on
the list, Zane. It is the things that I want to do. It is my
list.”
    “Okay, so dating Jason is on the list? Why
him?”
    “It isn’t him on my list. He just happens to
be the guy that asked me out.”
    “So, if any other guy had asked you out, it
would be him, and not Jason?”
    He looked at me, and I swear it was a look a
guy would give to a girl he was interested in. I am only guessing,
because I have only ever seen this look in movies. I shook the
thought away, because Zane didn’t see me that way. He probably had
something in his eye.
    “It isn’t like I am going to have sex with
the guy! I am just going to practice kissing with him, so when
there is someone I really like, and really want to kiss, I won’t be
nervous I am doing it wrong. I know that sounds horrible, and feels
weird telling you this, but you and I both know Jason isn’t looking
for anything from me. I have a lot of other things on my list…like
how I want to sing with you in front of people. Come on Zane. You
know that I have never had the balls to do that. Why is the Jason
thing the only thing that you hear?”
    “I’m sorry. I know all of these things are
important to you, but I am just not a huge fan of Jason. He is an
asshole. I mean, when you find someone you really like, and want to
kiss him, I don’t think that guy will care you don’t have a lot of
experience. I mean…he may actually like that about you,” he says,
with a sly smirk.
    “You really think that some guy would be okay
with a complete novice attacking his face?”
    “Hannah, if a guy is really into you, then he
won’t care about all that stuff. All he will care about is kissing
you. He may also like being the one doing the teaching.”
    “See Zane, this is why making sure I forgive
you is on the list.”
    I told him just so I could see his reaction,
but I’m also hoping if he knows that I am going to forgive him, he
will finally tell me his big secret.
    “You have forgiving me on the list?”
    “Yes, I do. All I want is for us to be the
way we were before everything happened.”
    “I want that too Hannah, but the truth is I
want us to be better than before.”
    “How can we be better?”
    “I want us to be closer, and I want to be
more honest with you. I think that you haven’t always been honest
with me either.”
    “You’re right, and I want that too. Let’s
promise that we will be better friends to each other.” I held out
my pinky so that we could pinky promise on it.
    Zane started laughing and crossed his pinky
with mine. I joined in the laughing. It felt so good to have Zane
back in my life.
    “Okay, my break is over, but I promise I will
make your favorite dinner tomorrow.”
    “You’re going to make me cheesy hash browns?”
Zane asked me, with the biggest smile on his face. He looked like a
little kid, getting candy for the first time…beyond excited.
    “Yes, as long as you run with me the next
day. I can’t eat that shit with out making sure I work out.”
    “You have a deal Hannah Banana Split. Have I
told you how proud of you I am for losing weight?” Zane asked me,
leaning into my ear. “You were just as beautiful then as you are
now. Always know that.”
    My breath was caught in my lungs. Never, and
I mean never, has Zane called me beautiful, and he even said I was
before I lost the weight. Okay, my mind just went blank in that
moment. In a