Free Floating by Natasha Thomas Page A

or visiting you, Ronnie, but you have to know, if I had, I would’ve come back. I missed you so fucking much that if I heard your voice, or saw your pretty face, I would’ve come straight back for you. I couldn’t do that, Ronnie. I knew nothing was better back here yet, so I couldn’t come back, not until I was stronger, not till I knew I could see you again, and not say fuck it and stay.”
     
    I’m shocked. Really, truly shocked. I never imagined that would be the reason he didn’t come home. It sucked, but it was beautiful all at the same time. I didn’t know what to think. I didn’t even know if I COULD, think right now. Kissing my temple like he always had when we were younger, Nate inhaled deeply, “But, fuck if I didn’t miss you every day, Ronnie. I wanted to call you, tell you all the shit that was happening with me, and ask all about what was going on with you. It took everything in me not to.”
     
    I could understand what he was saying somewhat. I mean, I didn’t completely get it, but it was a start to an explanation that was long overdue. One I deserved, at the very least. Drawing back slightly I cup his jaw, mimicking what he did to me just moments ago. “You mean that?” I had to ask. I needed to know everything he said was the honest to God truth.
     
    “Yeah, Ronnie, I meant every last fucking word, Sunshine.” With that I crush him in the biggest hug I’ve given anyone since he left. His cologne invades my senses, and he smells like Davidoff Cool Water, leather, a touch of motor oil and something else that’s all Nate. It’s a smell I’ve missed, a smell that’s always been like coming home to me.
     
    Tears start to leak from my eyes, and it’s all I can do to stop myself from sobbing as I grab fistfuls of the back of his t-shirt. Smoothing a hand up and down my back, Nate tries to soothe me as only he can. “Hey now, pretty girl. No tears. I’m back and I’m going to spend the rest of the summer with you, yeah?” Slowly my fists begin to unfurl. “You still going off to college for art, Babe?”
     
    Trust him to remember that I was planning to go to Texas U to study art. Nate always remembered everything. That was one of the many things I loved most about him. It proved to me he really was listening, and heard every word I said. Nodding, I remove my hands from his shirt and use them to dry my face. “Yeah. I leave a week before summer is up, so I have time to settle into the dorms and get any last minute things before classes start.” Not taking a breath I ask, “What are you doing back? How come you can stay all summer, don’t you have a job and everything to get back to?”
     
    I shouldn’t have asked. I don’t really care why he’s here, just that he is. “I’ve got a job, Sunshine. When you don’t take time off for four years, and put a fuck ton of overtime in, they tend to want to let you have time off instead of having to pay it out. As for why I’m back, I’m back to see you. You’re going off to college soon, Sunshine, I’m not going to be able to know exactly where you are every minute of the day, or know that you’re safe and sound when you’re there. Here, I knew you would be safe and protected, at least. I needed to come back and see you now, before you left.” That’s sweet. Not giving me time to formulate a reply, he added, “How about you come check out my new ride and we go down to the diner on Main, just like old times? I’ll even spot for a cheeseburger, extra cheese and onion rings instead of fries. How’s that sound?”
     
    Giggling, I crush him to me again and nod, “Yeah that sounds perfect.” And it was. Everything about that summer was perfect. Well, up until the end and you already know most of that anyway.
     
    Nate and I spent every day together that summer. I was lucky enough not to have to work, unlike most of the other newly graduated seniors, I had planned this for the previous three years. I worked at a bookshop in town