Free Audrey Exposed by Roxy Queen

pointing to a slim, pink, rocket shaped one. He grins. “Bonus, it vibrates.”
    “Whatever. Let’s just get out of here.” I snatch the package off the shelf. The guy working behind the counter has large circular gauges in his ears and dark , swirling tattoos creeping up his neck.
    “Is this all?” he asks, and I’m sure I can hear the judgment in his voice at how pathetic my vibrating dildo is. Not freaky enough, not sexy enough, just awkward and lame. Basically, the description of me in sexual terms. Lame. I can’t even do a sex store right.
    Graham nudges me with his elbow, and I say, “Yes. That’s all.”
    The clerk rings me up and I pay. He hands me a black bag , and I clutch it like an old lady and her purse on the way out the door. Graham fights a wide grin, unable to hide his deep-set dimples. When we reach the car I ask, “What is that smile about?”
    “I’m proud of you.”
    “For what? Buying a hot pink, vibrating dildo? It looks like it’s for a sixteen-year-old’s slumber party.”
    “It’s perfect. You’ve conquered another fear and I’m happy for you.”
    I roll my eyes. “Doesn’t take much to impress you, does it?”
    He squeezes my hand and opens his car door. “See you in a couple days.”
    “Bye.” I wave as he drives off and I get in my car. The black bag sits in the driver’s seat, the package peeking out of the top. The sight of it makes me feel queasy. I catch a glimpse of my face in the rearview mirror. My cheeks are bright pink and my eyes are big as saucers. I may have accomplished a challenge today, but there’s something else making me nervous.
    Dr. Markson wants me to have a dildo. But what does she expect to do with it?
    *
    “So, how was your assignment?”
    “A success , I guess. I had to call Graham to help me.” Dr. Markson has on a flower print, blue and lavender dress with matching Birkenstock sandals. A tiny, butterfly tattoo, in red and blue, is inked on the inside of her ankle.
    “Asking for help isn’t a sign of failure.”
    “Then it was a success,” I say definitively, hoping we can move past this topic. She pushes her glasses into her hair; and I can tell by the inquisitive expression on her face that she’s nowhere near finished.
    “Have you experimented with it yet?”
    “Um…no. I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do with it.” Dr. Markson quirks an eyebrow, and I say, “I know what to do, just not what my assignment was exactly. From you. What you wanted me to do,” I sigh. “Sorry. I’m feeling a little nervous.”
    “Is something different today?”
    “I don’t know. Things are going well with Graham and our meetings; but I know we’ll be increasing our contact, and I guess I’m not sure what the, uh, dildo has to do with all that.”
    “You’re worried I’ll have you introduce the device in your sessions with Graham.”
    My fingers wrap around the edge of the chair cushion. “Yes.”
    “Don’t worry; that device is for your personal use. I’d like you to start using it at home, so you can get a little more familiar with your body in a setting you have absolute control over.”
    “So what exactly should I do?”
    “Explore yourself. Find out what arouses you when you aren’t in a defensive situation. Have you used a vibrator or other device before?”
    My cheeks flare with heat. “No. Not really. I’ve had orgasms before , manually stimulated by my boyfriends. But I don’t know, masturbation just seems so…”
    “So what?” she probes.
    “Weird? Lame? Lonely? I don’t know. I’ve never seen the appeal.”
    She smiles at my confession. “Well, despite all of those reasons, I’d like you to practice several times a week at home. Get comfortable with your body. Work through any negative self-talk.”
    “Okay,” I say, but I can’t see myself doing it.
    Dr. Markson checks her watch. “We have a couple more minutes. How are things going with Graham?”
    “Good, I think. I’m not exactly sure how