Free The Audience by Peter Morgan Page A

ideology. Or anyone doing it because they actually
believe
in it in the way the previous generation of politicians did. It just feels like they’re all doing it solely to avoid calamity … Eurogeddon. It’s hard to understand why we British have been so resistant to Europe … historically.
     
Cameron notices the Queen is asleep
…
     
    Mostly
… I’d say it’s because we’re an island, and not physically part of the continent. And that we have too vivid a memory of the war –
     
The Queen sits up at mention of this.
     
    – and struggle with the languages. Not to mention the fact that we …
     
The Queen shakes herself awake.
     
    Elizabeth – tend not to like them very much.
     
    Cameron Quite. But don’t you think it might also be the fact that in
you
–
     
    Elizabeth Oh. My fault again …
     
    Cameron – we have a Head of State who has such strong emotional ties with the Commonwealth that it’s impossible for us ever, as subjects, to commit ourselves fully to any
other
union. That is, until you –
     
    Elizabeth Drop dead?
     
    Cameron No. No. No. (
Hesitates
.) Actually,
yes
… and it’s possible for our relationship with the Commonwealth to be redrawn.
     
    Elizabeth It’s true. I instinctively feel closer to Africans than Europeans. I was even called ‘The African Queen’. Kenneth Kaunda of Zambia, or Julius Nyerere of Tanzania, these were men one looked forward to seeing. One could do business with them. Do you feel the same way about Mrs Merkel? Or Monsieur Hollande? Do you
like
them?
     
    Cameron I don’t
hate
them.
     
    Elizabeth I suppose that’s an answer of sorts.
     
    Cameron She asked about the baby, yesterday. Chancellor Merkel. They all do.
     
    Elizabeth What baby? Oh,
the
baby? Yes, twenty weeks. We had a scan. You can see everything now. In 3D. Nails growing. Eyelashes. Very exciting. In my day, they’d just listen to one’s heartbeat, take one’s blood pressure and tell one to get on with it.
     
    Cameron Will Her Majesty share the secret with me?
     
    Elizabeth Of what?
     
    Cameron The gender.
     
    Elizabeth Certainly not. You’d only take it to the bookmakers to cash in!
     
    Cameron I hear the odds favour a little Princess.
     
    Elizabeth Absolute nonsense. Based on what? Makes no difference, anyway. Boy or girl, it’s still headed for the top job. One day. (
A beat
.) If this all still exists then.
     
The Queen tails off, then notices something.
     
    Goodness … Are you wearing make-up?
     
    Cameron No.
     
She slowly walks over to scrutinise Cameron.
     
    Elizabeth Yes, you are! It’s come off your neck, on to your collar.
     
    Cameron Oh, that was from an interview this morning.
     
    Elizabeth They didn’t offer to take it off?
     
    Cameron They did, but there was no time.
     
    Elizabeth That’s the excuse Mr Blair used to give. By the end, I noticed, he wore it all the time. (
Shudders
.) Along with that grin.
     
A beat.
     
    You’re a great admirer, aren’t you?
     
    Cameron Of Tony’s? Say what you like about him, he was jolly good at the game. Ran rings round us for years.
     
    Elizabeth My husband couldn’t stand him. Is that very indiscreet?
     
    Cameron Yes.
     
    Elizabeth (
covers her mouth ironically
) Ooops.
     
    Cameron How is His Highness?
     
    Elizabeth Better, thank you. Up on his feet and stalking. But no shooting himself – doctor’s orders. The recoil from the gun could dislodge the stent that’s keeping him alive.
     
    Cameron Oh.
     
    Elizabeth Yes. We’re both showing wear and tear now. But still hanging on.
     
A beat.
     
    Just.
     
A beat.
     
    A bit like your arrangement with the Liberal Democrats.
     
Cameron’s smile fades.
     
    I think it was Disraeli who said the British don’t care for coalitions.
     
    Cameron Nor you, Ma’am.
     
    Elizabeth (
struggling to hear
) What’s that?
     
    Cameron (
louder
) Nor you, Ma’am?
     
    Elizabeth Did I say as much?
     
    Cameron Not in as many words.
     
    Elizabeth (
irritated
)