Free The Audience by Peter Morgan Page B

Well, then.
     
    Cameron But one thing I think you’ll find all your Prime Ministers agree on – is you have a way of saying nothing yet making your view perfectly clear.
     
    Elizabeth I think I’d care for it more if I felt the people had
voted
for it. Had you formed your coalition first and gone to the country that would have been a different matter.
     
The Queen starts cleaning her glasses.
     
    Cameron You know, thinking about all your previous PMs just now, how many have there been?
     
    Elizabeth Twelve. The Dirty Dozen. I’m a record breaker. More even than Queen Victoria. Churchill, Eden, Macmillan, Douglas-Home, Wilson, Heath, Thatcher, Major, Blair, Brown … (
Indicates
.) Cameron.
     
The Queen hesitates.
     
    I’ve forgotten one …
     
    Cameron No, I was counting. You got them all.
     
    Voice No, she didn’t.
     
A bespectacled, avuncular white-haired man in his late sixties walks on.
     
    Callaghan James Callaghan. Labour Prime Minister, 1976 to 79.
     
Crestfallen, Callaghan turns to the Queen.
     
    How could you, Ma’am? You remembered Alec Douglas-Home ? How long was he in Downing Street? A
year
?
     
    Elizabeth That’s different. He was a friend.
     
    Callaghan You remembered Ted Heath.
     
    Elizabeth Someone has to.
     
    Callaghan Was I really that forgettable?
     
    Elizabeth No, not at all …
     
    Callaghan In the time I was in office, we met almost seventy times.
     
    Elizabeth Yes.
     
    Callaghan You always said how much you enjoyed our sessions.
     
    Elizabeth I did. Very much.
     
    Callaghan I gave you a coffee pot!
     
    Elizabeth The coffee pot!
     
    Callaghan Audrey picked it out. ‘Sunny Jim’, you called me!
     
    Elizabeth Yes.
     
    Callaghan ‘If we have to prove our Europeanism by accepting French as the dominant language then my position is clear.
Non merci beaucoup.
’ (
A beat.
) You always said how much you enjoyed that.
     
    Elizabeth I did. Very much.
     
Callaghan rolls his eyes, and exits. Cameron continues, unaware.
     
    Cameron An unbroken line. From Churchill to me. Extraordinary.
     
    Elizabeth And beyond. I’m not done yet. To be Queen of England is not a job or a shift you put in. It’s a duty consecrated by the grace of God. My working life
is
my natural life. They are indivisible … so I’m afraid you’re saddled with me until He takes me. Or the revolution. Whichever comes first.
     
    Cameron We aren’t much good at revolutions in this country.
     
    Elizabeth Don’t think that fact’s gone unappreciated in this house.
     
    Cameron Of the twelve, was there one … with whom the working relationship was … particularly fruitful?
     
    Elizabeth You mean did I have a favourite?
     
    Cameron I suppose that
is
what I’m asking.
     
    Elizabeth What a question! ‘Friendliness, not friendship’, Mr Cameron. That’s the principle. ‘The office not the individual’. Now, if there’s nothing else … we’ll see one another next week?
     
Cameron takes his cue. Gets to his feet.
     
    Cameron We will. Budget week.
     
    Elizabeth Should I be frightened? I’ve heard renewed rumours of that mansion tax.
     
The Queen gets to her feet with difficulty. Appears frail.
     
    Cameron Nothing to worry about. Unless you’ve put them all in the name of a company in one of your overseas territories.
     
    Elizabeth I’m afraid we don’t have many of those left.
     
Cameron smiles, bows, and goes. The Queen’s smile fades. But rather than follow him, she remains seated.

  
Her Equerry appears in the doorway.
     
    Equerry Staying, Ma’am?
     
    Elizabeth Yes. Not going anywhere. It’s what I do best, apparently. ‘The unbroken line,’ that’s what he called me. ‘The constant presence.’ ‘What was her achievement?’ the historians will ask. She lived long, showed up, cut ribbons, and knew when to keep her head down and her mouth shut. A postage stamp with a pulse. (
A beat
.) Have I, by the way?
     
    Equerry Have you what, Ma’am?
     
    Elizabeth Had a